Another Milestone

I spent Christmas day with my sister Trish and her boyfriend's family. He lives just outside of Columbus. This was the first time I have gone somewhere on my own since the mastectomy. I just got in the car and drove up like a normal person. Wow, maybe I will eventually get a life back.

It was a fun day. Mark has such a nice family. We had a euchre tournament in the afternoon. Family and friends were in and out all day. The one thing I didn't like was pictures. I think it is cool that they take every possible combination of the family members together. It wasn't so cool when they wanted a picture of me and Trish. So far I have been able to avoid pictures of my short, short hair style. When my hair grows out I really don't want any reminders. Yes, I know that it is better than being bald but I still don't like it.

I stayed the night and left about 10:30 the next morning. Trish and Mark are social butterflies compared to me and were trying to figure out how to get everyone into their schedule. I was ready to come home anyway but figured I should clear out so they could get on with their day.

Amazing Day

I had my last appointment with the infectious disease specialist today. I am off all antibiotics and the breast looks great. In terms of infection anyways. Now I just have my regular pre-cancer doctors to see, except for the oncologist. What made the day so amazing was everything else I did after I left the doctor's office.

I took my car in to be serviced and to replace a tire, got gas, went into the drugstore to pick up some things, stopped at the bank and went to a restaurant for lunch. The amazing thing is that I wasn't exhausted when I got home. I know that it doesn't sound like that big of a deal but for me it really was. I'll take my triumphs where I can find them. Hopefully I won't pay for it tomorrow.

Slooowww Progress

When I stop whining and take a close look I am very slowly making progress. Although it has never been my favorite thing to do I can do dishes and clean up the kitchen. My biggest problem with doing the laundry is that I forget about it and end up having to wash it again. I haven't gone to the grocery by myself yet. I know they have electric carts but I am intimidated by all of the potential problems. When Becky comes to clean this weekend I will have her go with me so I have back-up. I know that is being wimpy but I have used up all of my tough girl juju. I can get 3/4 of the way into the office without taking a break. The breaks aren't as long as they used to be and I am not as tired when I get to the office.

I got the first round of acceptance letters out this week. I had to check and recheck myself because I still have some of that chemo brain stuff going on. I interpret something one way and then go back and look at it again and wonder what I thought I saw in the first place. I did have Nan come in and take a look at the final list.

As a therapist and educator I have encouraged many people over the years who were making very slow progress. I can tell you that as a patient it sucks big time.

Sleeves and Pumps

Nan reminded me that I had not posted to the blog in a while so I thought I would catch it up.  Thank goodness there is not a lot to report.  The cellulitis is all cleared up.  The picc line is out.   I am definitely feeling better. It is such a relief not to feel sick all of the time.

There seems to be no doubt that the expander was the culprit but there is no definite answer on whether there really was an infection or if  I was having an allergic reaction or if my body was rejecting the expander.  That question probably won't be answered.  In discussing if I should try having an expander put in again Dr. Hicks says there is a 50/50 chance that it will get infected (or whatever) again unless we do a much bigger operation using muscles from the back.  That is too high of a chance of problems for me and I definitely am not going to have a more invasive surgery.   It looks like it is a revision of the tissue and a prosthesis.  So there is still one more surgery ahead but not until summer.
 
My two biggest problems at this point are joint pain and lymphedema. The compression garments don't help my hand much.  The arm garment seems much tighter than the hand one so it keeps the hand from draining.  The Jovi Pak that I wear at night does a much better job.  My claustrophobia is an issue because I have really had to work at getting used to having limited movement of my whole arm without panicking.  I can tolerate it for a few hours then I wake up and HAVE to take it off.  The next time I wake up I put it back on again.  That is nothing compared to the compression pump.

Compression Pump

 I really can't tolerate the entire pump set up.  I can handle the arm and chest part for about 40 minutes but that is it.  My OT loaned me hers for a couple of weeks and we had it set so I could tolerate it.  I have my own now and a "trainer" is supposed to come out tomorrow to help me set it up.  We definitely weren't on the same page when we talked on the phone.  It will be interesting to see how insistent she is and what her training is.  If I can't get her to set it up so I can tolerate it and work toward the whole thing I will take it in to Cindy and get her to help me set it.  It is important that I be as compliant as I can because the complications can be pretty nasty,

This and That

It seems my body was trying to reject the expander. The area around the expander was red and raw and the "stuff" that was on the expander was clumps of white blood cells. Dr. Hicks says he is not saying he won't put another expander in but I get the strong impression he doesn't think it is a good idea. We're not going to do anything for several months. At this point I think I should just have him take out the extra tissue and neaten up the scar. Once the area settles down a little I'll see about getting an interim prosthesis so I am not so lopsided. The infection definitely looks better. I am hoping to get my picc line out tomorrow.

On the lymphadema front I did get my pressure garments and my Jovi Pak to wear at night. The Jovi Pak looks like an oven mitt on steroids. The tips of the fingers are free and it goes all the way up to the axilla. I still don't have my routine down to put the compression garments on during the day. I have a hard time wearing the Jovi Pak all night. It makes the muscles in my upper arm tired and I start feeling claustrophobic. I am trying to increase my tolerance for it. It definitely makes a difference in the amount of swelling.

We are at the end of fall quarter. One result of feeling so lousy is that I have the greater part of my grading done - the big assignments anyway. When I didn't feel like I could handle anything else I could grade papers. Thanksgiving weekend won't be so frantic trying to get grades in.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Surgery went well and I did come home the same day. There was redness around the tissue expander so it looks like it needed to come out. I will find out more details next Tuesday. The redness is already greatly decreased. I don't know if that is because of the clindomycin in the hospital or removal of the expander.

I missed the first dose of the antibiotics because the leads were set up differently than I was used to. Not that I personally mind because the antibiotics make me sick. Since I don't have any of the serious, life-threatening side effects I am supposed to just suck it up and deal with it. I also now have a seriously distorted and ugly scar. I wasn't too concerned about it before because I didn't think we were done with the process. I am not sure where I am with reconstruction now. Is it permanently a no go or what?

Pre-surgery

I saw Dr. Weinstein, infectious disease specialist, today. He was very happy that I am having the surgery tomorrow because he was concerned about my waiting. He didn't indicate that at all when we talked about it. As Shanese says, "score one for the home team". I wasn't so happy that he left the picc line in because he wants me to back on the IV antibiotics tomorrow after I come home. I questioned that since they weren't really working. He feels they were working enough that he wants me on them until we get the results of the cultures back. We also discussed the possibility that my body is allergic to the expander. Bottom line - they don't know what is going on either. I am hoping the surgery and cultures provide some answers.

Expander Blues

There has been no real progress on the cellulitis even with the Invanz and the doctors have decided the expander needs to come out. With only three weeks of the quarter left I wanted to wait until after Thanksgiving. They agreed to that as long as I stayed on antibiotics. After that decision was made Nan and Shanese e-mailed me their plan to cover for me so I could go ahead and schedule the surgery.

I was speechless, stunned and totally grateful. They have been awesome all along but this went above and beyond the call of duty. It has been a real struggle to keep going. The IV antibiotics give me a permanent headache. I am half nauseated all the time - not enough to throw up or take anything but enough to feel yucky. My muscles and joints have been increasingly painful. It was a major task to walk in and out of campus.

I called Dr. Hicks office yesterday and left the message that if he thought the expander really needed to come out I wanted to go ahead and get it scheduled. So surgery is scheduled for next Thursday. I stopped all antibiotics today. Yeah! No benadryl to make me sleepy. I could stay up past 8:00 cause I didn't feel wiped out. Status quo on the joints & muscles but at least they are not worse.

Now I just need to get all my grading done. I have made good progress this weekend.

Breast Saga Continued

I had appointments with both the infectious disease doctor and my plastic surgeon this morning. The cellulitis looks much worse than it did when I left the hospital. It is very red again, mottled, and definitely over a larger area on both breasts. I was put back on Invanz, the second antibiotic I was on in the hospital. Maybe it was the combination that was working. I had an IV at the doctor's office and got a killer headache. I did have headaches when I was on the drugs in the hospital but not as bad as this one. They gave me Tylenol and benedryl. It helped but then I was sleepy and came home for a nap. At this point I am very depressed and discouraged. Enough is enough already.

I did ask Dr. Weinstein the name of the organism which was cultured. It is staph epidermis which everyone has on their skin. People with compromised immune systems, for which I am the poster child, and people with plastic medical implants are susceptible to infections from it. That makes it a stronger possibility that it could be the expander. When I talked to Dr. Hicks he said we could go ahead and take the expander out now. I am definitely not ready to agree to yet another surgery so soon. He said that was fine unless he thought my health was compromised by leaving it in. Then he would make the decision for me. Alrighty then.

Piccky Issues

I have been amazed at how casual some of the nurses have been about issues with the picc line. I am exaggerating a little bit, but honestly not as much as you might think. It has gone something like this. "Hi I'm nurse so and so and I am going to put the picc line in now. Excuse me while I totally rearrange your room and set up a sterile area here so I can put it in". "Sorry that the line is almost at the bend of your elbow and it hurts when you bend it. I had trouble getting it in and that was easiest for me". "Oh yeah, these do bleed sometimes after they are put in. Hmm, that is a little too much blood, I think we should take care of that". "Yes, I'm not surprised that stings a bit. This is 100% alcohol I am cleaning the incision with as I change the dressing. It will probably hurt like that next time too. Some Tylenol ought to take care of it."

I obsessively look at the picc line to make sure it is OK. Last night it was covered with blood under the dressing. Blood is a term that seems to get an immediate reaction from the Medical Society. After consultation with the infusion nurse we decided it wasn't an emergency since it wasn't all bright red. I went in first thing this morning and she cleaned it up and redressed it. She changed the angle she taped down the line and it is a lot more comfortable.

After all that actually giving myself the IV antibiotic is pretty slick and anticlimatic. The antibiotic is in this vacuum ball. After proper cleaning of both ends I screw the ball into the picc line and when I unclamp it the medicine just flows until the ball is empty. No muss, no fuss. This will go on once a day for two weeks.

Drama, drama, drama

My visit to see Dr. Hicks on Friday was full of surprises. I knew we were going to have to do something more aggressive because the cellulitis was looking worse than when we started. I was kind of expecting hospitalization for IV antibiotics but then he added surgery to the mix. He was afraid that the fluid in the breast area was infected. We hadn't drained any in a while because he didn't want to do it in the office. So I was admitted to Kettering early Friday afternoon and had a surgical draining and culture of the fluid Saturday morning. It was a short surgery, 26 minutes. Dr. Hicks was pleased there was no visible infection other than redness of the tissue. Now I have to stay in the hospital until the cultures are back, expected to be Monday, to see if they can tell us anything specific about a successful antibiotic. The current plan is to go home tomorrow potentially with a pic line and IV antibiotic. The infectious diseases specialist (doesn't that sound dramatic?) was just in. He thinks the cellulitis is looking better-less of a clear cut edge and a little less red. I didn't think it looked any better but I trust his eye over mine.

On a whiny note I am bored and I itch all over, no rash, just annoying itching. It is amusing to me that the nurses don't think I take enough pain medication. Who knew nurses were drug pushers? Most of the pain is from the fibromyalgia so I sort of feel I am taking it under false pretenses. Yeah, I know, I am weird.

Continuing Saga

It has been 2 weeks and we still don't have the cellulitis under control. I was switched to levaquin a week ago last Friday. It seemed to be working slowly. I felt better before we saw any change in the cellulitis. The redness was definitely decreased and there didn't look like there was any problem on the left breast. However, I was having major pain in both my legs and joint pain. Fall is usually a painful time of year for me but this was way beyond my usual level of pain. I could hardly walk. Turns out it is a side effect of levaquin. So I had to stop taking it. I was back on amoxicillin until yesterday. I went in to the office because both breasts are definitely red and hot. I started on augmentin last night. It is amoxicillin plus something else that is broad spectrum. I was supposed to see results in 24 hours. Unfortunately there is no improvement.

In the mean time all treatment of the lymphadema has stopped. It can't be done if you have an infection. I was measured for a sleeve and glove but they aren't in yet. Cindy did loan me a pump. The arm is wrapped from the shoulder to below the fingertips in this sleeve thing. It goes over the shoulder and around the back. It is connected to a pump and goes through a series of alternating pressure. I look like a blue cyborg. It makes me claustrophobic just thinking about it. So I don't think about it. I put on a movie and try to ignore it for the hour it takes to complete it's cycle. About the time I think I can't stand another minute it is done.

Keeping It Interesting

We never did go with the full wrap on the arm. Emotionally I just couldn't deal with it. The wrap I did have got so much attention. People kept asking what I did to my arm. It was distressing to go through the whole cancer, lymphedema thing. I was measured for a sleeve and glove to wear during the day and another heavier sleeve for night.

My latest addition to the mix is cellulitis in both breasts, mostly the right. It is red and hot. I started another round of antibiotics on Tuesday but they don't seem to be making a difference. I called Dr. Hicks this morning to let him know. He's out of the office this morning so I won't hear anything until this afternoon. In the meantime I just feel sick. I can't eat anything without triggering diarhhea. Is it the antibiotic, Chron's or the cellulitis? I just want it to go away.

I saw my oncologist yesterdsy for my three month checkup. From his standpoint I am doing well and the hard part is behind me. I wish it felt that way. I feel overwhelmed by the continuing problems when I thought I would be well on my way to feeling well by now. My coping mechanisms are wearing thin.

All Wrapped Up

We haven't been making much progress on the swelling in my hand and arm.  It is not getting any worse but it is not getting any better either.  Wrapping is a frequently used method of controlling the swelling.  Since I don't have anyone to help me with the wrapping we have been trying a variety of other techniques.  The wraps are intended to put steady pressure on the hand and arm and move the fluid up the arm.  They are multilayered, bulky and ugly.

Today I joined the millions of women who are post mastectomy and use wrapping to help control swelling in their fight with lymphedema.  It is one more assault on body image and self esteem.  It is one more reminder that cancer changes your life and body forever in ways you can't imagine when you start the journey.  The good news is the hand and arm ache less when wrapped.  The bad news is I have no idea how I am going to rewrap the arm by myself.  We are going to do a lot of practicing on that on Friday.

Breast Expander Blues

I thought I was used to pain after all of these years with fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis.  The pain associated with the breast expander is a whole other thing.  I know we are going faster than usual trying to get the seroma under control.  But there is this constant pressure and ache, especially at the edge of the armpit.  Dr. Hicks decided to wait until Friday to add more fluid in the expander.  The amount he took off the seroma was less so some progress is being made.  I am seeing him twice a week.

I have another lymphedema treatment this afternoon.  Most of the swelling is in the hand and forearm.  They both ache when I try to do anything, like drive or type or work on my beading.  I am also seeing her twice a week.  I don't know how I have time to work!

So mostly I am uncomfortable and irritable. I am used to having at least periodic relief from pain - either through medication or positioning.  This constant stuff is getting to me.

On the positive side, I think, I am doing some laundry today.  This is the first time in about 8 months.  Not that laundry was ever one of my favorite things.

I Can Walk!

Dr. Malusky lifted all restrictions from my foot.  One small thing changes my life so much.  I can

• take a shower without having to wrap up my foot
• take a bath
• shop for my own groceries
• wear regular shoes
• be true to my hillbilly roots and go barefoot in the house
• walk into campus instead of waiting on someone to bring the scooter

So that is one more step (literally) toward normal.  Course I can't just leave it at that, I have to add the lymphedema.  I am starting treatments this evening.  My hand looks much better after a night with an elastic glove.  It does ache some, though.

Pain is definitely still very much an issue.  I am not sure I can handle additional fluid in the breast expander next week.  Every movement is uncomfortable to painful.

Bad Day

Man, oh Molly I am in so much pain.  Dr. Hicks drained 450 cc of fluid from the seroma and added 60 more cc of fluid into the breast expander.  Then he wanted me to put the extra pads on the lateral portion of the chest to add pressure and potentially reduce fluid production because he thinks that is where the fluid starts.  The problem is that is the most tender part of my breast and the pads add to the pressure of the added fluid in the expander.  So my chest aches and I feel like if I can just squirm enough maybe I can get into a position where I don't want to cry.  Then with the rainy cooler weather all of my joints hurt.  Do I stay still or do I keep moving?   Either way I hurt and can't find a comfortable position.  I go back in on Tuesday for more fluid.  At that point we will decide if I can tolerate it or if we need to slow down.

I saw the OT for a lymphedema evaluation today. There is more extra fluid in my hand than anywhere else.  She said that is actually a good sign.  She took measurements and gave me a pressure glove to wear on my right hand at night.  I go back in on Sunday to start treatment.  When I was doing hand therapy thirty years ago they didn't even use the term lymphedema and it was treated entirely differently.  From what I know now I shudder to think of the damage we probably were causing to the lymph system.  It was good to be able to ask her questions on how to protect the limb and concerns I have had about using the arm and hand.

I experimented going without my hat in public today since I only had medical appointments.  It didn't make me as uncomfortable as I thought it would but I am not ready to try it at work.  I have an appointment with my hairdresser for next Friday.  When I called her I told her I wasn't sure if she would be able to even the hair I have out.  We decided to do the appointment and let her see what is going on.  I also trust her to be honest about how she thinks I look.

Starting School

Today was the first day of classes. Thank goodness for Colleen's scooter. Even walking around the lab must have been more than I have been doing because the foot started hurting. For the afternoon class I pretty much stayed with the scooter. What was a hoot was watching me try to get the scooter out of my office. I won't do that again.

I did get rid of my second breast drain on Tuesday. Now we are running a race to increase the size of the expander fast enough that fluid doesn't collect. So far the fluid is winning and at my appointment tomorrow Dr. Hicks will have to drain some fluid from the seroma and put fluid into the expander. One of the things we are trying is keeping pressure on the area so I am padding my bra. If someone had told me that someday I would be padding my bra I absolutely would not have believed it. I am so glad it is cold enough for layers. They are good for hiding all the lumps and bumps and uneven boobs.

My hair now hides my scalp and is pretty thick. Some students think I should ditch the hats and go with the short look. I don't know if I am quite ready for that. I am going to call my hairdresser and get it evened up and see what she says. It is so fine in some areas and almost furry in others. I have been told to expect changes in color and texture as the hair grows back in after chemo. No one has said anything about it being different in different parts of the head. It would be nice to not be weird for some part of this whole experience.

Only One More Surgery to Go!

The only surgery that I have left is the actual breast insert which will probably be in December. The metal was taken off my foot Wednesday. I was more anxious than usual before the surgery. Of course this one was at 3 in the afternoon and I was starving and thirsty.

That external fixater had sharp posts. I ruined two sets of sheets poking holes in them and scratched my right foot and ankle all up. The foot is all padded up with a big ace bandage on. I can do weight bearing on a limited basis with the surgical shoe on until I see him next Saturday. So for all practical purposes I can stand up on both feet and get in the wheelchair around the house and pretty much sit here with my feet up for yet another week.

I told him I was going back to work next week no matter what. He didn't seem to know what to say. Then I told him about the scooter at work and he seemed OK with it. Fortunately there is very little pain, mostly a deep ache if the foot been down too long.

I go back in to see Dr. Hicks this morning. It is a little early to add more fluid in the expander - barely 3 weeks instead of 4. However I still am producing more fluid than normal and we don't want another seroma. If the expander is bigger there is less room the body thinks it has to fill with fluid. He is also going to take one of the drains out. That way I will be a little less lumpy to start classes. He said I could start experimenting with a prosthetic bra to make my shape looks more normal.

Surgery Update

Well, it was touch and go there for a while but I am going to have the hardware taken off my foot Wednesday afternoon. I ran a fever Sunday and Monday and felt crappy. I called Dr. Malusky first thing Monday morning. Since there was no site of pain or obvious infection I had to do the hated "don't take any tylenol and see how high it goes today". When it reached 101.6 I decided to take tylenol. The fever is down today. I had a history and physical from the doctor at Riverview. Since the fever is down, I am already on antibiotics and they are just taking something out she OK'd the surgery. She also did a CBC and since I haven't heard anything I assume it was OK.

Just like the swollen arm this stuff really throws me. The big stuff I could handle. This relatively piddly stuff is harder. The doctor at Riverview said off-handedly that I could add professional patient to my job list. That also shocked me. Should I have smacked her or cried? Both were viable options at the time. It is a job I will gladly quit.

This has been a lost year. There has been no semblance of normal. I can understand why people refuse a second round of chemo. How long will the chemo extend your life? How much life do you lose in the mean time. What will be the quality of the life you have?

Complications

I woke up early Friday morning and my right hand and arm were really swollen. I have little hands with prominent bones and veins. My hand was so swollen I couldn't see the veins. I went back to bed and propped the arm on a pillow. I called Dr. Hick's office as soon as it opened and they had me come in right away. Since they took out so many lymph nodes with the mastectomy we were all thinking lymphadema. I did have an ultrasound of the arm to make sure there weren't any clots or anything else strange going on. Now I have an appointment with an OT for a lymphadema eval and possible treatment. At this stage it is hard to tell if it is just swelling from excessive word processing and beading, delayed reaction to the placement of the breast expander or truly lymphadema.

I talked to my youngest sister, Beth. She is a lymphadema specialist. After talking to her I also found some websites with the techniques we talked about that had pictures! I am so visual I needed pictures or drawings of the areas I am supposed to work with. So now I have something I can do until I can get in for the eval.

I can't believe how shook up I was by all of this. It really threw me for a loop. It seems like the closer I get to "normal" the fewer emotional reserves I have, especially for any glitches in my health.

Introducing Bob

Here is my new cat.  His name is Bobcat because of his Manx tail but I call him Bob.  I know, a bit strange but it is better than Stumpy and it amuses me.  Such an innocent face and such a busy and ornery kitten.  He discovered my beading tray last night and the results were not good.  There were beads all over the floor.  Then I had to put him in kitty prison (laundry room) because he thought that trying to get the beads up off the floor was a good game and kept jumping in them.  I was not amused!

While we are doing show and tell, here is a picture of my external fixator.  I am supposed to get it off next Wednesday but supposedly there is a "conversation" going on with my insurance company.  With all the medical expenses I have had this year I am surprised there haven't been more conversations.  

I still have my drains in from the insertion of the breast spacers.  So I am lumpy, gimpy, and hairless.  Actually the hairless part isn't quite true anymore.  Except for the top front of my head the hair does cover my scalp.  Maybe it covers more than I think but it is hard to tell because of all of the gray.  So I guess that makes me lumpy, gimpy and gray.  I seem to be in need of amusement these days because it takes such a long time to get back to a real normal life.  I wore my cowboy hat to amuse myself today.  Melissa, my administrative assistant, really thinks she should inherit the hat.  She does look good in it.  But just think how good I will look in it once I have real hair instead of long fuzz.

Rough Week

It has been a rough week. The surgery to put the spacers in for the breast implant was harder on me than I thought it would be. I feel like this is the first day I have really been coherent. No energy, running a fever, everything is so much of an effort. Gee, this sounds familiar. It might have something to do with having a general anesthetic for the second time in three weeks. What was I thinking? Oh, yeah, I wanted everything done so I was ready to go back to work without any more interruptions. Silly me.

I saw both surgeons on Friday. The stitches were removed from the foot and plans are being made to take the fixator off the last week of August. They are working on a date. I am writing this on my Ipad and can't post pictures but when I get to a PC I will post a picture of my foot with the contraption on it. It is quite something. I see Dr. Hicks again on Tuesday. I really do need to expand my social life beyond Dr's offices.

Speaking of social life Trish came down to hang out with me today. I have been really depressed this week - medicine, pain, feeling crappy and overwhelmed, it's a well deserved depression and about time - who knows why? Any how, it is always good to hang out with my sis. Except for a little when we were pre-teens there has never has been much sibling rivalry between us. Now though I think I am going to beat her for the most surgeries in one year. We decided we need to assure the younger sister, Beth, that she doesn't need to do anything to try to beat us.

Surgery Report

Surgery went well. I was in a lot of pain they couldn't get under control so I stayed overnight in the hospital. I came home Tuesday evening and have been zonked every since. Typing is a major issue because I make so many errors. I have decreased the pain medicine so I can wakeup a bit. I am supposed to take it easy for a couple of weeks. Restrictions are always more than I am led to expect. My plan was to just get up and go.

What's His Name

I received a surprise new member to my household yesterday. A friend of my granddaughter found a kitten after a rainstorm last week and I have inherited the little fuzzball. Becky and Jerrika took him to the vet for me. He's about six weeks old and is part Manx and healthy. He has the Manx characteristic of a very stumpy tail and longer back legs. He is a very fuzzy gray. He looks so funny from behind. He almost looks like he hops but I can't tell if that is just kitten enthusiasm or a factor of the breed. So far Leo is more or less ignoring him.

I am still trying on names. Jerrika was calling him Blue, because of his coloring. I am calling him Baby Blue, Blue Boy, Little Bit or Fuzzball. I like Little Bit best but perhaps that will not be such a good name for a grown up cat. Stormy has also been suggested. It seems strange to me to call a gray cat blue but I am finding that it is common. After Suzy Q got lost I decided that I would not actively look for another cat but let the universe bring one to me. If he were a girl I would name him Karma or Serendipity. Those aren't very good names for a boy. I suppose I could call him Chance.

Whatever his name is he is a good distraction from my aching joints and the upcoming surgery.

Not So Much

So, I don't have as much freedom as I thought I would because of pain and stiffness. It is a combination of being in a fairly static position for over two weeks and stopping anti-inflammatories because of the surgery on Monday. I am downright miserable. My knees, hips and low back hurt. I can't seem to find a comfortable position. And walking is very slow. I move like the Tim Conway character in the old Carol Burnett show - making a lot of effort and not getting very far. There go all of my plans of hopping in the car and doing stuff. Not happening!

Yesterday when I went to campus I had the benefit of my friend Colleen's scooter. Nan rode it out to the car for me amd I drove it in. I felt like a danger to myself amd others!! It was difficult to get used to the controls. Once I got to the office I left it outside in the hall. It is definitely nice to have it.

On the home front I am restless and out of sorts. I can't concentrate on anything for very long. The seroma is really big now. The size increased with all of that extra use of the arms with the wheelchair. I am nervous about the breast reconstruction. I am also realizing that if I want a breast that looks normal with a nipple and areola that is two additional surgeries. Isn't this ever going to end? Unfortunately, I know the answer to that question is no.

Freedom

Yeah, I can walk!!! Of course my back, knees and hips are stiff after more than 2 weeks without walking. I was planning to go into campus today but I was walking like a pretzel and was a little unsteady when I got home. I decided to walk around the house a lot today and work the kinks out and go to work in the morning. It is so wonderful to be able to just stand up and go to another part of the condo if I want to.

Yesterday I attempted 5 times, no kidding, to write about the upcoming breast reconstruction surgery. The paragraph kept getting deleted between the preview and posting. So here it goes again.

The surgery is scheduled for 7:30 am on the 15th. I confirmed that it will be outpatient because they do use general anesthesia. When we were discussing it the plastic surgeon said there would be too much pain to consider doing it over a long weekend once school starts. That makes me nervous because doctors usually down play the pain bit. On the internet it says everything from horrible pain to regular tylenol will take care of it. The one thing everyone seems to agree on is that if you are thin the pain is worse. It is one time I am glad to be heavy.

OK, I'm Tired of This

I was supposed to see the foot surgeon today and get my walking boot. Unfortunately he has been out of town and didn't get back today so I was rescheduled for tomorrow. I was definitely not happy. I am so tired of the non weight bearing stuff. I am getting really impatient to get on with my life.

Nan and I had planned for me to go in to campus today. I figured it was about time I put in an appearance. Becky agreed to take me down in the wheelchair and pick me up. Then Nan and I decided I would ride in with her. I hated going in a wheelchair. It is a lot of work to get through though those long halls. And our handicapped accessible campus has all of these walkways with inclines. They don't seem like much if you are walking but in a wheelchair they take a lot of energy to get up. Besides, people look at you funny. I wanted to tell every one I knew "It's just for today, honest."

There were a lot of students in today. Second year students were working on the bulletin boards. They seemed to be having a good time. They did comment that the task behaviors were a lot different when they weren't being graded. So of course I had to hassle them for a while. I have dearly missed my students and having the energy to really interact with them.

The students who just finished their last clinicals were bringing in their final evaluations. They are all done now so are looking for jobs and planning to take the national exam. It was great to see them. They all seemed so confident and carried themselves like clinicians. I love it when that happens.

Hair and Toes

I had the first post-op visit with the foot surgeon on Friday. I was hoping he would change my weight bearing status since the surgery wasn't as extensive as planned. No such luck. I am non-weight bearing for another week. I am using a wheelchair because my balance is so poor that I am dangerous on a walker. Fortunately I have more strength and energy so it isn't difficult to get around the house.

The oncologist ordered a new estrogen blocker which I will start tomorrow. Here's hoping it doesn't have too much of a fatigue side effect. I was so tired of being so tired.

As far as the hair goes I am looking downright scruffy. I didn't expect the growth to be so uneven. The longest hairs are about 3/4 of an inch. There are sections that are much shorter. My hair is so fine that even in the longer sections you can still see my scalp. Like I said, definitely looking scruffy.

A Different Kind of Recovery

It is wonderful to feel like a normal person who had foot surgery. I don't have any trouble doing things I want to do except for the inconvenience of the wheel chair. I assume I will start back on some estrogen blocker next week. I hope it doesn't knock me for a loop again.

I was up pretty much all day. I had my foot up except for when I was cooking or eating so I didn't expect it to swell. I can't see any swelling but the foot is all wrapped up in gauze and ace bandage and it feels uncomfortably tight. Right now I am lying down and have had my foot propped higher than my head for about 20 minutes. It is still very tight around the arch and the ankle. I guess that is my body saying I did too much today. I so want to rewrap everything but the hardware intimidates me. I have six metal projections sticking through the ace bandage.

My beading project looked like it could be finished except it didn't hang right and I had to take it apart. I'll take pictures of the disassembled project and my inspiration and put them on my creativity blog tomorrow. Company would be nice if any of you have a chance. Lori is visiting on Thursday. I am told I currently talk about 90 miles an hour. Must be all of this time alone.

Surgery Report

The foot surgery went well and was actually not as extensive as Dr. Malusky thought it would be.

I was pleased at my level of strength and endurance as I walked into the hospital and up to Riverview. Two weeks ago I was exhausted by the time I got there. Friday my knees hurt the whole way (a week without anti- inflammatories) but I wasn't tired. As I got ready for the surgery I had quite a team. Two anaesthesiologists (only one stayed for the surgery), the company representative for the external fixator, and the surgeon, besides the surgical nurses. I got to see the equipment before they put it on, although they weren't sure exactly how much they were going to use. I also ended up with a bone stimulator and they had a possible bone graft. I certainly had informed consent by the time they were done.

Once they released the big toe and got it into position the metatasal moved into the correct position. They decided they didn't have to do an osteotomy so no bone graft needed. That means faster recovery time. Yeah!!! Of course this was the report to Becky and Trish while I was in the recovery room. I'll have more questions when I go into the office in two weeks.

So I came home today. Trish brought me home and Nan met us at the condo. Trish had to get back to Columbus so Nan stayed the aftenoon with me. Then we changed guard with Becky for supper. It was good to have Nan to check me out and make sure I was safe. Now I am on my own but everything is organized. I feel fine. Energy level is good. Pain is under control. Anti-inflammatories have been reinstated. Life is good.

Doing Better

I did see Dr. Malusky yesterday. He wanted to see what was going on with the big toe. It shouldn't be a problem even though it looks horrible. He is looking forward to the surgery because it is a challenging case. I told him I was always happy to provide entertainment for someone else. I am not sure how much metal to expect with the external fixator. He has been consulting with the representative who puts the device together. I can picture them chuckling with glee over the design and what else they can do with it. After yesterday's conversation they have decided to extend the fixator to include the toe. I hope they don't think of anything else they can do before Friday!

Except for joint pain, I am off the anti-inflammatories until after the surgery, I am feeling much better. I was up all day today doing dishes, some very light cleaning and working on a beading project. That doesn't sound like much but it is so much more than I have been able to do. I wonder if the arimidex was affecting me more than I thought it was. The swelling of my feet and ankles started to go down immediately after I stopped taking it. I lost 5 pounds in fluid in two days.

My sister Trish is coming down tomorrow to stay all night and do "normal" stuff before I get stuck in the house again. She'll stay with me in the hospital. My brother Ken is bringing some of his grandkids down to see the Air Force Museum tomorrow and then we're going to get together. So it's going to be a nice family day.

Hair Issues

I am anxiously keeping track of my hair growth on a daily basis. It is definitely a slow process. Some days I think I am kidding myself because I still look like a plucked chicken with a little bit of a shadow on my head. Then I will look in the mirror and if the light is just right I can see that my hair is about 1/2 inch long. I have always had such thick hair and it seems to have a lot of thin spots. There is also much more gray than there was before. That is one of reasons it is so hard to see. The gray hair doesn't show up as much as the darker hair does.

I am definitely more self conscious about being out in public than I was. Even with the hats it is obvious that I don't have hair. Marta and I went out to eat at Thai Nine on Wednesday. This one man just kept staring at me. It would be nice to think it was because I am gorgeous but I think baldness probably had more to do with it. When I am home I don't wear hats so family and friends see my hair challenged head but I don't let strangers see it. I am pretty sure that there is going to be a good period of time without a hat in the hospital. I am trying to steel myself for the embarrassment.

Getting Ready

Now that the foot surgery is less than a week a way I am starting to be concerned about how I will cope. I definitely am not as far along in my recovery from the chemo as I thought I would be at this point or as strong. So I put my OT brain to work to see how I needed to arrange things.

I will be non-weightbearing the first two weeks. I will use a wheelchair to get around the house just for safety reasons. I decided to stay in the guest bedroom because the bed is lower and the bathroom is closer. I did a trial run with the wheelchair this morning. Then I moved a chair which was next to the bed to make space for the wheelchair and a bedside stand. Big mistake. Wow, that used up all my energy for the day. I probably should have waited for Becky.

Now that the room is more functional for me for the two weeks it is also less decorative. Martha Stewart would not be proud. I will have to do something to make it look less thrown together. But not today.

Poor Me

No, really, that is my theme for the day, poor me. You would think that with the chemo behind me things would be a piece of cake now. I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed with two surgeries scheduled, continuing side effects of the chemo and drug reactions.

My breast reconstruction has been officially scheduled for August 15. Dr. Hicks will also remove the port. I am so glad about that because it is sometimes very uncomfortable. The site of the mastectomy is still filled with fluid. It is called a seroma. It will be drained before the surgery and a drain put in for a week or so. Here's hoping the combination of the completion of the chemo, the revision of the mastectomy site and the spacer will take care of the seroma.

In the meantime I have had reactions to the arimidex (estrogen blocker) and tetracycline. My feet and ankles have been swelling and not going back down at night or if I put them up, a side effect of the arimidex. I developed a rash after I started taking the tetracycline. And I have been dizzy since Tuesday, a side effect of both of them. I never used to have drug reactions. Now it seems to be my norm. I definitely don't like it. Anyhow, the arimidex is on hold for two weeks to see what happens. A new antibiotic has been ordered. We'll see how that goes.

In my litany of complaints, Dr. Malusky wants to take a look at my toe on Tuesday to see if it needs drained. I am not sure the toenail will still be on next Tuesday. It not a good thing to have decreased feeling in my feet but things would certainly be a lot more painful if my sensation was normal.

Chemo - the Gift That Keeps on Giving

I mentioned before that taxotere causes nail changes. It's worse than I thought. So far on my fingernails I have some dark coloration, some vertical white lines and some ridges. This is supposed to all grow out eventually. I am hoping that is as far as it goes. I have lost three toenails where the nail just detached from the nailbed. I also have three toenails with bleeding under the nail - also a side effect of taxotere that I didn't pay any attention to until it happened. The one that concerns me is the toe that is supposed to be operated on next week. Dr. Malusky is on vacation so I will call bsck next Monday to see if he is concerned or wants to look at it before surgery.

Just when I think I have figured out how to manage this whole cancer thing something else comes up. I have always been a pretty flexible person but this is getting ridiculous.

We interviewed for Jane's position yesterday. We had four candidates plus preparation time so it was a long day. The interviews went well and I had a great committee. It did wipe me out, though. I had to stop and rest in the theater lobby on my way out to the car. I keep waiting for the day when stuff won't tire me out so much. It will also help when I allowed to walk more. Dr. Malusky is not thrilled with the relatively small amount of walking I am doing. I could do with a less complicated life.

Making Progress

I have been looking for things to do within my energy range. I can do my dishes now and cook simple meals. With everything I do I still have to take rest breaks. The breaks aren't as long or as frequent as they used to be.

I decided to start cleaning my studio. It and my office are the two places that things have just been dumped in. The studio is to the point that I can't find anything and it takes too much energy to look. It doesn't help that I have tubes of beads all through the condo. I also have new books that I don't have room for. I get slowed down by having to shift things to new places. I rarely use yarn any more and I want to get it out of my studio but I don't want it to go in the garage. I have to clean out closet space to put the yarn. It makes me tired just thinking about it. So I did micro-cleaning. Yes, I know that isn't really a word. I organized my supply/equipment boxes. I'm sure that it doesn't look like I accomplished anything to anyone else because the boxes are sitting right on the shelves where they have always been. The difference is now I know what is in them and I have a box left over.

Tomorrow I think I will hang my new earring rack. I have so many cool earrings now that I need a place to put them. That should take all of 15 minutes. Then I have to round up all of my earrings from whereever I left them when I took them off. That pretty much means in every room of the condo.


One of the side effects of taxotere that doesn't go away for a while is changes in the nails. My fingernails are dark and have ridges and white vertical lines in them. Some of my toenails have actually come off. Even if I wore nail polish some of the chemo sites don't recommend it until the nails recover. I just keep finding new ways to be weird.

This and That

Each day is a little bit better. My hair on my head has started to grow back at the same time some of it is still falling out. Weird. I can't tell color or texture. It does look like a lot more gray than I remember having. At this rate it is going to be December before I have enough hair to give up hats. And then, as one of my students pointed out, I'll have hat hair.

I went to Riverview Health Institute today for my preadmission paperwork and testing for my foot surgery. For those in the Dayton area it is in the old St. Elizabeth Hospital. My biggest concern was all the walking. Thank goodness they have valet parking. If I had to add walking from the parking lot I don't think I would have made it. I have been there before for some testing and my last foot surgery. It is a beautiful facility and everyone has always been really nice.

They asked me who would be bringing me to the hospital and I couldn't tell them. Becky is hoping to have a new job in Kentucky by then. She has been interviewing at Toyota.

I did start my creativity blog. It is acreativeessence.blogspot.com if any of you want to take a look at it.

Waiting Mode

I went to campus today after my rheumatologist appointment. The only way to describe my gait is that I trudged in slowly. I have never been so glad to see my office in my life because I could sit down. I had an appointment with a student and helped Melissa with admissions. There really wasn't much else to do. All of the projects I am working on are on my computer at home. I visited a while with Colleen from PTA. She offered me her scooter to use this fall since I am not going to have much chance to develop endurance with the two surgeries scheduled. I am going to take her up on it, particularly if I still have the external fixator on my foot. It is a big campus. I had planned to stop somewhere for lunch but as I trudged even more slowly out to my car I decided leftover tuna casserole would just have to do.

Right now I feel like I am mostly in a waitng mode. Waiting to get stronger, to have more endurance, for my foot surgery, to be less bored, to have something more meaningful to do. I am trying to do a little more each day to build up my strength and endurance before I have the foot surgery. I feel well enough that I am going to start using my arm bike to strengthen my arms. While I'm non-weightbearing for those two weeks maybe I can use a walker without killing myself. My balance is so poor that I am not sure what makes me more dangerous poor balance or lack of strength.

Surviving

I have been trying for a couple of days to write something about surviving breast cancer in the sense of getting through every day.  It is surprisingly easy to sound smug.   So I have rewritten the whole thing once again.

At the risk of missing someone, for which I apologize, I will say that support of family, friends, students and co-workers has been key.  My daughter, Becky, has cleaned my house, done my laundry and grocery shopping on a weekly basis.  She has insisted on driving me to chemotherapy treatments for all of these months.  My sisters, Trish and Beth, were here for my mastectomy and Beth stayed the week after surgery with me.  They have called and visited on a regular basis.  My students have made me meals, bought me funky earrings to wear with my hats, visited me, e-mailed, texted and made me laugh.  At their pinning ceremony they even all wore hats for me.  Nan, a friend and co-worker, has taken on the duties of acting chairperson, covered classes for me and driven me to work so I would have the energy to teach a class.  Shanese came to the rescue with my Patient Rights course and actually took most of the responsibility while giving me the credit.  She has also given me papers to edit and asked for advice while she works on her doctorate.  This has helped me immensely with my frustration with my chemo brain - I do really have a brain sometimes.  I love her chatty telephone calls.  My friends, Deni, Lea, Randy and Marsha,  have brought me meals, friendly gossip, new projects to look at and taken me to movies.

It has helped that I am an occupational therapist.  I know all of those energy conservation techniques that we teach our patients.  I plan my days around what I have to accomplish for the day - like go to yet another doctor's appointment.  I don't really have to eat breakfast, take a shower and get dressed without resting in between.  Actually, I haven't been able to but I don't beat myself up when I need to take a break.

Last, but certainly not least has been my Buddhist faith.  Meditation has given me a calm, quiet space from which to face the day.   I know that this will pass, as all things pass. 

And now I am on to a new phase of life after chemo which I am sure will present new challenges.

The Joys of a New Medication

I started the estrogen blocker on Thursday. The name of it is Arimidex (Anastrozole). According to Carol, nurse practitioner at Dr. Romer's office, the major side effect is bone pain. I was not too concerned since I have a pretty high pain tolerance from living with lupus and fibromyalgia for so many years. Boy, howdy, was I wrong. I rarely wake up in the morning in pain, stiff yes, pain no. It hurt really badly along my tibia and my hips. I took tylenol right away and wondered if I should have taken a vicodin instead. I prefer to go with the lighter medication first. I did take a hot bath after breakfast which helped. Hopefully some of the problem is because it is a stormy day. I always hurt more when the barometric pressure goes down.

Arimidex is the medication I have to take for five years. Other side effects include some of the other things I have been complaining about like fatique and weakness. Of course most of the medications I take include those side effects so I hope my body adjusts fairly rapidly. I tell you, treatment for cancer is not for sissies.

My friend, Deni, brought me supper last night. She has some cool new mobiles she is working on. I am still plugging away on the choker part of my necklace. My goal is to not take any more of it out. I love the colors and the texture - blues and browns and a mixture of matt and shiny beads and round and square shapes. I am thinking about stsrting a blog about creativity - specifically about how important it is to me and how it keeps my spirit together. Right now I am taking a look at other blogs.

Surgery Queen

My foot surgery is scheduled for 7/22 which is on a Friday. The positive thing about that is it will be 5 weeks after my last chemo so I should have some endurance back. Hopefully I can have some arm strength built up with my arm bike. The bad news is he told me six weeks recovery. Today he said the external fixator will come off in six to TEN weeks. He also said I have to go back in the hospital, out-patient this time, to have the fixator removed. I am definitely not happy about adding another surgery to my list.

The other thing I don't like about the news is that it probably means I get to start the new school year looking like a total dork. On my foot I will have a black boot with the side cut out of it and metal hanging out. On my head I will still have a hat because my hair will be about an inch long and who knows what color or texture. Not the best way to make a positive impression on the new class.

Update

I saw Dr. Romer for my last post-chemo check. My blood counts are a little lower than they usually are post treatment but still in the normal range. The dexa scan showed some osteopenia in the hip but I knew that was there from the last bone scan. I start the estrogen blocker tomorrow. I didn't quite catch the name of it but I thought it would be easy to look it up. I can't find any drug that sounds like what I thought I heard. Guess I'll just have to wait until I get the prescription tomorrow. The major side effect is supposed to be bone pain, particularly in the hands and wrist. Oh, goody, more joint pain. I don't see Dr. Romer again until September.

The surprise was how exhausted I got just going to the doctor's office. I am usually further along in recovery by now. The doctor explains everything as a cumulative effect. I was planning on going in to the office at Sinclair but my legs felt so weak I didn't think that was a good idea. I wouldn't want them to have to airlift me out of there. I was also looking forward to going to the grocery this week. That definitely isn't going to happen. After this morning it makes me knackered just thinking about it. At least I feel well enough to work on stuff for Sinclair on the computer and do some beading.

Doing Better

Yesterday and today were much better. I have been up for increasing amounts of time. I even cooked a pot roast yesterday. A simple thing but to be able to do it without being completely worn out is a triumph. And it tasted good, too. Yeah!

Today I worked on revising our graduate exam. I think I have the flow down OK for the transition to semesters. I'll let Nan and Shanese take a look when I have processed it myself first.

The hardest thing now is to keep paying attention when I get tired and just stop and rest. Before there wasn't a choice. I hit a brick wall and had to stop. Now the wall is more like styrofoam but I still need to stop because I can't punch on through it. Yes, I know I am impatient. Five months of decreasing ability to live my life have done thst to me. I am definitely ready for the upswing.

Ongoing Saga

I thought I would be up today but that doesn't seem to be the case. I quickly get clammy and sweaty when I get up. Of course it could have to do with getting so knackered yesterday.

I had an appointment with my family doctor, Dr. Derksen, in the morning. Just routine checkup stuff. His office is easy to get into and other than being wiped out I didn't have too much trouble. By the time I got home, though, I was pretty shaky. I drug myself back to the bed and laid down. I had two hours before I was due for a bone scan.

As I pulled into the parking lot at Sycamore I was able to catch the attention of the man with the golf cart who carts people from the parking lot to the door. I asked him to come back and give me a ride. No one told me I was to go straight to the Breast Center so I ended up doing more walking in the hospital than I really needed to. Thank goodness I had to lie down for part of the scan so I could recoup a little. My timing was good and I didn't have to wait to be carted to my car. Fortunately I live right next to Sycamore so the drive home was really short. I felt like I was hanging on by my fingernails by the time I got home. Again I went straight to bed but this time I stayed there.

Dr. Derksen said an interesting thing. We were talking about how rough this time around was. He said it was probably because they gave me more taxotere. He said they increase the amount of the drug each time depending on the patient's tolerance. Well, that would certainly explain a lot.

The Search for Food

Hunting and gathering for food is a monumental task for me the week after chemotherapy. The first step is convincing myself I really am hungry enough to risk the perilous journey to the kitchen. Depending on how I feel this task alone can take several hours. Once the decision has been made I plot my course.

The first and shortest stage of the journey is from the bed to the door of the bedroom - an intimidating 10 feet. This a crucial decision point. Am I upright? Can I get through the doorway without hanging on? Can I navigate the rest of the increasing distances?

I continue on. The hallway is a narrow 12 foot passage. It is a safe zone because I can lean on a wall if it becomes necessary. It is the trek from the hallway door, across the wide open territory of the living room and into the kitchen that is the most hazardous. The 20 foot span provides no support for wobbly feet.

I continue slowly on. I reach the relatively safe zone of the kitchen. There are counters to hang on to and a folding chair if I need to sit down. The search for sustenance begins. It must take zero preparation time, have the reasonable expectation of not tasting awful and be portable to take back to the bedroom. Mission accomplished I turn to the lengthy trek back to the bed.

I continue, slowly, slowly on. The journey home is uneventful but unbearably long and tiring. I reach the bedroom door and see the bed shining in the distance - only 10 more feet. The food is forgotten as I place it on the chair and sink into the comfort of a horizontal position on the bed. I think I will stay here for a while.

Oh, no. I forgot my water bottle. It is lost in the wilds of the kitchen until I can make another safari.

Another Bad Day

The fever has been up all day and I have been really sick again today. It continues to amaze me how exhausted I can get just going to the kitchen for juice. Becky brought me an iced capp which is one of the things that tastes OK. I had to change beds because the one I was in was so wet from sweating. All normal stuff for chemo but since the third one went so well I was hoping this one would go more smoothly.

Now that the actual treatments are over I will be going into "is it going to come back?" mode. I know from experience with David's colon cancer that that thought never totally left our minds. I'll have to come up with some new coping techniques.

Crash and Burn

This is going to be a whiny post. I am feeling increasingly sick today. Everything is worse than it usually is at this point. My muscles and bones hurt, my tongue is white, and I am running a fever already. The fever goes higher when I get up so I am stuck in bed a day earlier than I expected. I am bored and frustrated - too sick to do anything but too agitated to roll over and go to sleep. The only good thing I can say is that this is the last time through this.

Last Chemotherapy

I had my last chemotherapy yesterday. Yeah!!! When I was finished a bunch of the nurses blew party horns for me. I definitely did not expect that. I guess I haven't been there when anyone else had their last treatment.

So far I have done pretty well with more energy than usual at this point although the thrush has shown up sooner. I already have the beginnings of a white tongue and things don't taste quite as good as I anticipate. It is the change in perceived texture that really throws me off. Everything feels slick.

My sister Trish came down tonight for a visit. It is good to see her. Her life is so crazy busy I really appreciate it when she comes.

It looks like my hair is starting to grow back in. There seems to be more longer peach fuzz and I can see the outline of my widow's peak in the front. I've always had some peach fuzz on the very top of my head but the front was most definely bald.

What I Am Doing on My Summer Vacation

Dr. Romer gave the OK for the surgeries to begin the week of July 18.  I saw the plastic surgeon yesterday and the foot surgeon today.  The plan is for the foot surgery to be scheduled July 20, 21 or 22.  I would rather do it on the 20th, the doctor would rather do it the 22nd.  Hmm, guess who will probably win out on that one.  He says six weeks recovery.  I will have an external fixator (lots of metal) on the foot, be non-weight bearing for two weeks and then wear a boot with the side cut out to make room for the fixator.  I have given up on not looking weird this year.  It is definitely a lost cause.

With the foot surgeon's permission breast reconstruction will start the week of the August 15.  I  will have definite dates next week.  Dr. Hicks says they go in through the mastectomy scar, under the muscles and put in a spacer to stretch the muscles and create a pocket for the implant.  He says recovery from this is about a week because of the pain.  Yeah,  I am so thrilled.  Hopefully he prescribes some good drugs.  Then every couple of weeks they add more saline until the space is the right size for the implant.  I'm assuming that will be "uncomfortable" too.  Probably won't get any additional drugs for those injections, though.  The whole process takes about three months.

I am so not having fun this year. 

Now What Do I Do?

I finished all of my grading and have my grades posted unless Nan finds something I missed. I don't feel too badly today. I think I feel fine and then I get really tired. Thank goodness this saves me from laundry and most of the dishes. I even have enough energy for simple meals. So what am I going to do to occupy my time?

I have been working on my and Nan's necklaces - companion pieces to Jane's necklace. So far I don't have a clear idea of what to do with Nan's so I'll have to play with it a bit. That is something I can do. I am good at trying something and taking it out.

I have spent a fortune on e-books the last few months but reading has kept me sane. I am running out of books thst look interesting. I am re-reading some of the ones I already have.

The pinning ceremony was yesterday. Nan drove me so I didn't have to worry about driving. I was disappointed that I tired out about a third of the way through calling the names and had to sit down for the rest of it. Jane, Nan and everyone in the class wore hats. That was so cool.

Today I am making real progress grading papers. Course I have to take breaks and lay down for a while. I am just about ready to take another stab at it. The end is in sight.

I got my "cowboy" hat today. It is a great hat but I think it will look better when I have hair. Nan and Becky think my hair is starting to come back in. I think they are imagining things.

Practice, practice

We had our pinning ceremony practice today. Campus police graciously let me park in front of building 12 so I wouldn't get so exhausted walking in. It was great to see all of the students. I do so love this class. It is hard to let them go.

Melissa and Jane managed the practice so basically I just got to hang out. It was a good thing, too, becsuse I didn't have the energy to do much more. I will be so glad when chemo is over and I can stop worrying about the energy issue.

For the afternoon I had end of the quarter meetings with first year students. It is good to see them at this point with their first year under their belt. Then I got to come home and collapse for a while - always an important item on my agenda.

Last week of school

It is quite a struggle to do everything I need to do this week. Again, thank goodness for Nan.

We had the end of the year picnic for Sinclair Fun Night. It was good to see the kids. I lasted about an hour. When I left every one applauded. I told them it was the first time I got a standing ovation for leaving.

This morning I had breakfast with Nan and Jane. It was quite the occasion with all of us awake and at the restaurant by 8:30. It was great for all three of us to be together.

Then I saw Dr. Romer. The followup plan is for me to see him in three weeks and then regularly for two years to monitor bloodwork. I guess there is a bloodtest that monitors recurrence in breast cancer. It just isn't as sensitive as ones for some other cancers. As I was expecting I do have to have a bone scan. Then I will start an estrogen blocker. He isn't ready to talk about getting the port out yet.

Good day

I was able to teach my neurology class today which is not always the case the week after the taxotere. Of course the major reason I was able to was that Nan picked me up and drove me practically to the door of the building. I am so thankful she did. I didn't want to miss the last week before the final. Three of the Katies from the second year class stopped by for a brief visit. It was so good to see them. Then for an extra bonus Sherry brought in her little boy Corey so I got to play with him a while. What a doll. Over all a great day on campus today.

The Joys of a Root Beer Float

Oh, frabjous day, something that actually tasted good. Since both milk and root beer have consistently tasted OK I thought I would try a root beer float. Fast to make, probably OK ingredients, nothing to lose. Yeah, it tasted wonderful. It really is the small things in life that make a day. I wonder how an iced cappachino from Tim Horton's would taste?

I woke up with a fever of 100.8 yesterday morning. I didn't bother calling Dr. Romer because I knew he would tell me to take Tylenol unless it went up higher. It stayed in the high 99's all day and then spiked a little again after the Tyelonol wore off. More Tylenol didn't bring it down much so I took a cool bath which helped some. This was another evening where water just pored off of me. I had to move to another bed because the one I was in was soaked. This seems to be happening once a chemo cycle although Dr. Romer has no comment on it. I know I spend a lot of time obsessing on my temperature but when it is above 99 for any reason I really feel sick.

The coating on my tongue seems to be thinner today. Course I am rinsing my mouth about 8 times a day - 4 with the anti fungal mouthwash and 4 with the salt/baking soda rinse. Unfortunately things still taste nasty. I get hungry and try something to eat and then regret it. Becky put together some chili for me last night. I didn't have the energy. Today all I have to do is put it back on the stove and cook it. Hopefully it will taste ok.

I seem to be in a pattern of managing symptoms. I am not sure it is a good thing to be so focused but it is where I am at. Only one more treatment.

Chemo weekend

I am not sure which is worse - to have a nasty taste in my mouth or no taste at all. My tongue is coated with white stuff and everything tastes either bitter or bland and pasty. I am going to try to make some chili tomorrow to see if it is edible. I started the Mycostatin mouth rinse again. It definitely does make a difference.

I finally put the finishing touches on Jane's retirement present. It was time to stop tweaking it and just get it done since she will be here in a couple of weeks. I found a black straw hat for the pinning ceremony and a new top I think is pretty. Here's hoping they get here in time. With my bald head I am more worried about the hat than the top.

I have been up for short periods of time today - mostly trying to grade papers. I am slowly making progress but am slowed by computer woes.

So far things have not been as bad as last time but I am definitely babying myself this weekend.

Seventh Chemo

I am not sure what to make of the process this time.  I already have the change in taste and a rising fever which is a little early this time.  I have been up several times grading papers but can only last an hour at a time.  So I am having a quiet and boring day.  Don't feel bad enough to just sleep but not good enough to do much of anything.  Oh well, could be worse.

Chemo tomorrow

I do my next to the last treatment tomorrow.  I am really nervous about it.  The treatment itself usually goes OK with minor irritations or glitches.  It is the aftermath that I am worried about.  From what I understand from Dr. Romer the side effects are going to keep accumulating and getting worse.  It is difficult to imagine feeling more exhausted than I already do.  Of course there are those other little pesky side effects like fever, sore throat and nasty taste in my mouth.

I have lost back all of the weight I had lost before all of this had started.  Dr. Romer is not really thrilled about that but I am.  It's not drastic, just 10 pounds on and 10 pounds off but I am really pleased.  Not pleased with the way I lost it but I'll take anything positive out of this I can.

Doctor's appointment

I saw Dr. Romer today for my regular appointment. From an oncology standpoint I am doing really well. My bloodwork looks good. Everything else that is a problem for me is normal "at this stage of the treatments". Throat infection, depression, extreme fatigue - normal. And he expects the fatigue to be worse and last longer after the next two treatments. I was not happy to hear that. For some reason I really amuse him. He laughs at me! Is your doctor supposed to do that?

Bad night

I had horrible night sweats last night for about 3 hours. I was soaked, the pillows and bed were soaked. After they were over I changed to a different bed and was able to get some sleep. I have had them once before but didn't mention it to Dr. Romer because I didn't think they were connected to the chemo. Guess I will bring them up.

Today I feel like crap and my throat hurts and it looks like I am spending another day mostly in bed. I don't like the weepy, whiny space I am in but it is definitely where I am for the moment.

The good news is Becky will be here today cleaning house. Jerrika is coming to be "trained" by Becky in the proper way to clean my house. Jerrika is going to do it if Becky goes to Kentucky early. Jessie is bringing them because Becky is still having trouble with her truck. It will be nice to see my girls. And maybe I'll even get some jellybeans.

New problems

Not feeling very well today. My mouth and throat are sore and I have a mostly white tongue. Too much information? I called Dr. Romer's office to see if I should be concerned. He has decided I have a fungal infection and ordered a mouth rinse. The good news is it numbs my mouth and throat. The bad news is it tastes awful. Finding something to eat is an increasing challenge.

I was supposed to have the last face to face class at Antioch tonight. I couldn't even get through getting dressed. It has ended up another day mostly in bed.

Fever Day

My fever has been steadily climbing all day and is currently 100.6, just past the call in point. They want to see what is happening with the fever so I am not supposed to take any Tyelenol until I have permission. Now I get to take Tylenol and call back if the fever goes above 101.5. The good news is there are really no other signs of infection. The bad news is I feel yucky.

Food isn't very interesting today. I was able to eat some massaman curry left over from Friday and it tasted good. Bonus. I'll have to find something else to eat later tonight so I can take my regular medications. Becky brought me some homemade ribs and strawberry pie last night but I couldn't eat either one. Total bummer. Everything I eat I have to try a small bite and see how it tastes and what kind of aftertaste there is.

Wonderful Nan is taking my classes tomorrow. I don't know what I would have done without her through all of this. I was getting back into a fairly normal level of energy when I had to take another treatment. Just two more to go.

Tolerable day

Yesterday was a good day. I taught my neurology classes and then came home and had enough energy to get all of the graduate exams graded and returned. My friends Deni and Leah came over for a visit in the evening. It was really nice to see them and get caught up on all of the gossip.

Today was a restless day. I would get tired but couldn't stay down for long. Then I would start to do something and couldn't focus. Food doesn't taste nasty today but it doesn't taste good either. I am supposed to take my temperature every four hours and it is slowly creeping up. Not yucky high, just above normal.

Another Treatment Down

This week was actually a pretty good week. I felt better for much of the week. It was a nice change.

I went in for my sixth treatment today. They didn't have me scheduled with my regular nurse and couldn't adjust the schedule. There was nothing wrong with the new nurse, she just wasn't Christine. I had a hard time not crying. I hate this being so emotional crap. The treatment went OK but I was really tired when I got home. I didn't notice last time that they gave me benadryl along with decadron and anti-nausea medication. That could account for the sleepiness. I do have the beginnings of the nasty taste in my mouth again. Maybe I had it right away last time and didn't notice it until it got really bad.

I am trying to find a long black scarf to use as a wrap for the pinning ceremony. I want to get it now so I can start practicing putting it on and see how well it stays on. I am getting tired of hats. I also don't have one that I think is dressy enough. I don't think the biker chick is the look I want to go for.

My major accomplishment for the weekend was grading papers. I fit it into my two hours up, three hours down routine. I am almost caught up. My difficulty with attention really shows up while I am grading. I have to make sure I do it when I am relatively rested or my mind is all over the place.

This whole cancer/chemo thing is getting kind of old for me and every one else. How many ways can I say I am tired, exhausted, wiped out? Even that is boring. Unfortunately, though, this is currently my life. It is filled with uncertainty because I never know how I am going to feel when I wake up. The concept of good days and bad days has a whole new meaning. I dread each new treatment not because I have a particularly hard time with the treatment but because of the way it adds to the fatigue, depression and general feeling of being sick. All of which Dr. Romer assures me is normal. I definitely don't like my new normal.

Update

I took my exhausted, weepy, yucky feeling self to see Dr. Romer today.  He thinks all of my symptoms are a result of the accumulative affect of the chemotherapy rather than specifically the taxotere.  So as far as he is concerned I am reacting normally.  I can look forward to increasing fatique - I am so tired of being tired.  I also hate feeling weepy but at a certain level of tiredness I just want to cry.  Unfortunately that is much of the time now.

Yesterday I went to see Dr. Malusky, my podiatrist.  I have yet another sore on the ball of my left foot.  He thinks I have a contracted first metatarsal that is putting pressure on the tissue.  We can either continue to treat the ulcers when they happen or he recommends another foot surgery after the chemo is over.  Will the fun never end?

I now have about 3 eyelashes on each eyelid. They fell out this week.  It surprises me that other hair continues to fall out but the hair on my head stays the same.  Yes, it is stubble but it has been the same length and amount of stubble since it originally fell out.

On the good news side my taste buds are back to normal. At least until the next treatment.   I'll have to have Becky make me some peanut butter fudge to make up for the fudge I couldn't eat last weekend.  Trish made me some and with the funky taste in my mouth it tasted really nasty.  Talk about not fair.

Temperature relief

Finally, after 4 days of temperatures of 100 and above I am at 98.9 this morning. Still way above my normal of 97.2 but much better. If it had still been up today I was prepared to storm the doctor's office. Well, OK, whimpering into the office is probably more realistic. Becky was going to do the storming. My plan is to stay down and monitor things for the day. I wouldn't want to do anything rash like have a life.

Continuing fever

This is the third day of fever 100 or above. Most of the day today it has been 101.4. That is just below when the doctor wants to hear from me again. My stomach hurts when I eat more than a few bites at a time and everything tastes really bitter. All I can do at this point is stay down and keep a close eye on my temperature. I haven't been answering my phone because I definitely don't feel like talking.

Fever

My fever stayed right at 100 all day yesterday. It seems to be following the same pattern today. I can only stay up for about 10 minutes before I get a sick headache and have to lay down. My mastectomy site could be drained but I'm not even going to call today. I don't think I would get through the getting showered and dressed let alone driving and getting into the office. So I guess it is another day in bed.

I am so glad the chemo was the 14th and not the 21st. I would have really been upset if I had to miss my brother Ken's retirement party on the 23rd.

About noon the fever did get up to 100.8. Dr. Romer had me come for bloodwork. Things are within normal limits so I was sent home to keep pushing fluids, stay down and take an anti-inflammatory. The new target for a call to the doctor is 101.5. Fortunately Nan and I can switch labs this week so I can have another day at home.

Another Whiny Day

Both the decadron (steroid) and taxotere (chemo) have irritability and insomnia as side effects. I have them both in spades. I am so restless I can't focus on anything and every thing irritates me - tv, the book I am trying to read, music. I am really tired but I can't sleep so that irritates me even more. I am not sure how much more liquid I can drink trying to flush this crap out of my system. And, yep, that irritates me too.

I had the first of my second set of chemo today. It went well but I am a little more tired than I usually am on chemo day. It could be the cumulative effect but is also high on the list of side affects for taxotera. I am also on extra steroids before, during and after the chemo. Today that means I am hungry and am having a hard time not eating everything I have in the house. It is one time that being tired is a useful thing. It is just too much effort to get up and fix something and I have very little junk food.

I don't always talk much to other patients getting chemo. Today I talked to a woman who was on her first treatment with a taxol type drug also. We were sharing our experiences with adriamyocin and cytoxin. She was talking about being depressed after the last treatment. I have been too but I figured it was just the extra physical stress of going back to work. Of course it doesn't help to realize just much trouble I am having paying attention to detail. I get so upset with myself.

Shanese and I had our second face to face class on Patient Rights at Antioch last night. It was a good class but the topic was end of life decisions so we were talking about advanced directives, medical research and organ donation. We had an excellent speaker on organ donation - the legal stuff and the process. I realized I needed to update my will, redo my living will and appoint a medical power of attorney. It is a good thing Becky doesn't get freaked out about discussions about this kind of stuff.

Pros and cons of being hairless

Pro
1. Getting ready in the morning is a lot faster with no hair to dry. I did have enough hair for 3 people and it took at least a half an hour to blow dry.
2. There are no pesky chin hairs to pluck.
3. I don't have to shave my legs or under my arms.
4. I have an excuse to wear hats.

Cons
1. I look like a plucked chicken.
2. I have to spend more time putting together "outfits" to go with my hats which are fashion accessories.
3. I am told I look cute. They must have the wrong sister. Trish is the cute one.
4. Hats make my hearing aids squeal.
5. I need a different style of hat. I am getting tired of the biker chick look.

So far I still have eyebrows. This is a good thing since I have a hard time drawing eyebrows that don't look like a clown.

Another Work Week

I started the day out with a doctor's appointment. I had planned on going in to work right before class but had to do some office "stuff." I was a little worried about all of the walking but I did fine. I even went out to eat after work.

Today was a different story. I started out with two doctors appointments. I met with Dr. Hicks and we planned to start the breast reconstruction in July. It will take three months. Then I had an oncology appointment. The echocardiogram and bloodwork looked good so I am OK'd to start the second round of chemo next week.

By then I was really tired. I had office work to do and a meeting but I was struggling to get through them. Chemo brain didn't help. I hate being so dingy. Thank goodness I don't have to go in tomorrow until late afternoon.

Back to work

I went back to work this week. Nan covered for me on Monday because I just couldn't do it. (God bless Nan!) I did go in on Wednesday. I had a student meeting and Sinclair Fun Night. Fortunately I had asked Donna Burton, who covered for me last quarter, if she would come the first night. I crashed a little after 7 and had to go home. Talk about knackered!

Today I had two neurology classes which totaled 4 hours of class time. Then I had to go get an echocardiogram in prep for the next round of chemo. I was tired but not terribly so. It is nice to feel some progress. Next week I will teach all of my classes. It was great to see the students. They all seemed in good shape. They have been such troopers with all the changes in the department.

Hanging in

Feeling a little better today. I am running a fever but have been up periodically through the day. I even worked for about an hour but that was all I could handle. Leo is faithful in keeping me company. Not much else going on. Not feeling well is definitely boring. And I do so hate being bored.

Bad day

If you don't want to hear me whine this is not a post you want to read. I am so miserable all I want to do is cry. Everything hurts. It is a major effort to drag myself to the bathroom or to the kitchen and I am exhausted when I get back to bed. I have slept for most of the day. I can't focus enough to read. Hopefully this is the worst of the chemo reactions. This has gotten really old.

The experiment to get the mastectomy site to scar didn't work and I definitely have a lot of fluid again. I have to call the office tomorrow and see what the plan is. Dr. Termuhlen is out of the office. She is also moving to the University of Wisconsin. This is a big loss for Dayton.

Fourth Chemo

I have officially made it halfway through my chemotherapy. I didn't feel very well going in but my temperature and blood pressure were OK. Christine decided I didn't eat enough before I came in and made me eat my peanut butter crackers. When I finished the treatment she sternly told me to eat more next time so I would feel better.

I officially added her to my list of the 15 mothers I currently have. Well, maybe it is only 10 but it feels like 15 sometimes. They come in all ages and sizes and include relatives, friends and students. Even though I know it comes from love and concern I don't deal with mothering very graciously sometimes. I feel like a five year old saying, "I know. Let me do it myself."

Back to the chemo. I never know what to expect in terms of response. I am usually tired after the chemo and lay down for a little bit and usually get up and go about my business. This time whenever I got up my face and head would just drip with sweat. I didn't have a temperature but it went away when I lay back down. So I pretty much was down for the afternoon and evening. Then I couldn't sleep. I looked it up and the decadron (corticosteroid) causes irritability and insomnia. One night isn't so bad but when I switch to taxotere I take it orally two days before and the day after treatment. I am definitely not having fun.

Halfway through

Tomorrow is the last of the first series of treatments.  Yeah, halfway through.  After that I have a three week break before I start the taxotere.  I also have to have another echocardiogram.  Having a medical problem is just not simple.

The doxycycline injection went OK on Monday.  First Dr. Termuhlen drained the breast and got a record amount of fluid.  She texted the residents with her results.  I just love being part of a medical rivalry. She wasn't taking any chances on what "stinging" meant.  She injected lidocaine first then the doxycycline.  Then she smooshed the tissue around to spread it around.  I am assured that is a sophisticated medical term.  So far it doesn't seem to be making much difference.  We may have to do it more than once.  Fun, fun, joy, joy.

I don't feel very well today and am running a fever again for some reason.  And my joints really hurt - could be the Neulasta, could be the damp weather, could be arthritis.  Who knows?  I just take more tylenol.

Leo Returns

I have pretty much stopped going to the door every hour to look for cats. About noon yesterday I propped open the laundry room door to the garage. As I walked away Leo exploded down the hall beside me at a full run. He seems fine except for a frequent sneeze. I am taking him to the vet for a check up. He is definitely hanging close. He even sat on my lap when I had visitors yesterday which is totally out of character for him.

I am going to have the injection into my mastectomy site today to see if we can promote scarring and reduce the fluid buildup. I am a little nervous about it. I keep turning up allergic to drugs I have been able to take in the past. I am going to ask Dr. Termuhlen if the way we are using the doxycycline increases the possibility of a reaction. I want her to be prepared in case I have one. I am only the 3rd patient in her career who has had this problem. I would prefer to have less unique complications.

Cats

Friends and family are determined they are going to find my wandering cats so Universe beware. Yesterday my granddaughters, grandson-in law and even Becky's boyfriend Mike scoured the neighborhood. Joelle is putting up posters. My friend Deni sent me some absolutely gorgeous flowers. Doesn't find cats but makes me feel better and I can plant the forsythia that is in the arrangement.

In the mean time someone ate the smelly cat food I put out for them. It was much too neat for Suzie and Leo though. They are messy eaters. Maybe I am supporting my local racoon. I look for them every time I go out, much to the frustration of drivers behind me I am sure.

Boring, boring, boring

I am bored with myself.  My life seems reduced to either a good day or a bad day.  There has to be something else going on.  Oh yeah, Leo followed Suzy in her spring wondering so now I have no cats.  He has been crazy trying to get out since Suzy has been gone.  Maybe he is looking for her.

Today was Jane's retirement party.  Her present is the beading project I have been working on.  Unfortunately I wasn't able to work on it enough to get it finished in time for the party.  I had to give her a present IOU. Bummer.  It was great to see all of the current students and graduates that came.

Dr. Termuhlen and I have decided to see if we can't promote some scarring in the mastectomy site so it will stop producing fluid.  So the plan is to inject the site with some medications to promote "irritation" in the site so it will scar.  It is supposed to "sting."  I hate it when doctors use words like that.  What exactly does that mean? . It means I take a vicodin before the procedure.  It sounds like a crazy thing to do but so is getting my breast drained every week.

Missing Suzy

Suzy still has not come back. I am not handling her loss very well. Of all the things that have happened to me this is the hardest to take. So if it bothers you that I start crying when I talk to you, don't ask me about Suzy.

Physically I am still a little rocky after that last chemo. I tire so easily. I had a doctor's appointment today and was really shaky by the time I got home. Dr. Termuhlen and I discussed options for the continuing fluid at the mastectomy site. No decisions yet, she is doing some investigating. When it is not chemo week it is no big deal for me to go have the site drained. But when it is chemo week like today it is really difficult physically.

Really tough day

I have felt crappy all day - nauseated and exhausted. The worst part is that my little cat, Suzy Q, is missing. She has been gone since Friday night. Becky has been all over the platt several times. No one has seen her. This is a really rough loss.

Third chemo

On Wednesday I didn't feel very well then we had the first face to face class at Antioch.  I didn't think I would be able to stay the whole 6 hours but I did.  It was a great class and I was so wired when I got home that I could not sleep.

So I started out the chemo exhausted.  They had a really hard accessing my port.  Everytime they tried to flush it, it felt funny and stung.  Christine took that really seriously and would try to readjust.  She finally got another nurse to try and after an additional 5 minutes of fiddling around with it they finally got it adjusted correctly.  It was definitely obvious when the port was working correctly.

When I left I was even more tired and queasy.  That hasn't changed a whole lot today. 

Busy day

My first appointment of the day yesterday was at Dr. Termuhlen's office.  She was gone so I met with one of her colleagues.  After the introductions she said, "oh, you're that patient."  Great, not only do the residents have a competition to see how much fluid they can drain, I am now "that patient."  I expect them to start yelling "Norm", oops, "Sharon" when I come into the office. There was less fluid today so the rice boob did have some effect.  Not as much as I had hoped but some.

Then on to Dr. Romer's office.  One of the advantages of the port is supposed to be that I don't have to get stuck for blood tests.  That never seems to work out because the nurses have such a hard time with my port.  I don't understand it because there is no problem when I have my chemo.  And there is still a stick, it is just in the port area.  Anyway, after getting stuck unsuccessfully at the port I still had to have blood drawn from my hand.  I guess from now on I will just let them draw from the hand in the first place.  The blood results were good.

The last stop of the day was Annabelle's for my prosthesis.  I did a quick look at wigs while I was there and was not impressed with anything.  They had some fabulous hats which looked horrible on me.  So I walked out with a bra and the prosthesis.  It is definitely softer than my rice boob.  And I don't have to keep pounding it into shape when it gets out of kilter during the day (sorry guys).

By the time I got home I was done for the day.  Not quite knackered (I love that word) but definitely not doing anything else for the rest of the day.  

Low Energy Day

I had a nice brunch with my friends Helen and Despina. It was nice to do ordinary things and go somewhere other than a doctor's office. Then I went to the grocery store. To use the term mentioned by my friend Deni, I was totally knackered by the time I got home. I wish my energies were a little more consistent.

I didn't feel like doing much for the rest of the day. Becky stopped by and I visited with her a little bit. I did some work on the computer and checked in on my Antioch course. That was about all I could manage. Bummer.

Tomorrow I have two doctor's appointments and get fitted for my prosthesis. O frabjous day!