Update

I had my four month checkup with the oncologist yesterday. Everything looks good. Bloodwork good, liver seems fine, next appointment in four months. It turns out that a contributing factor to all my bone pain is the estrogen blocker which I will be on for the next 4 1/2 years. I can't stop it because my tumor was so strongly estrogen positive. Bummer. Now I just have to get a mamogram to complete the annual checkup.

I did go to the grocery store myself for the first time in a year. Strange the things that become triumphs after you have been sick.

Reflection

So on a more positive note I think that journaling about your experiences is a powerful tool.  The experiences of the past year however have been so beyond words that they are woefully inadequate.  The blog helped but not necessarily to deal with the feelings.  I decided to join a beading group with a commitment to complete a monthly project.   Here is a link to my first completed project.  January Bead Journal project

The good thing about it is the reflection time as I think about what I want to represent.  Although I may not necessarily share what they are every choice has a symbolic meaning.  As I work on the piece the symbolism becomes less important and the actual art comes forward.  The process has done it's work however and I can move on from that aspect of the year or integrate it or whatever.

January Blues

On January 3 it was a year since my mastectomy.  Dealing with the issues and complications that arose from that has taken the majority of 2011.  I feel like I literally lost a year and am still dealing with side effects.

Since taking the IV antibiotics I have had severe pain in my muscles and joints.  The tendons of my hamstrings are so tight it is hard to stand up smoothly.  Sometimes they feel like they lock on me.  I saw my rheumatologist yesterday and he thinks I have triggered a reactive arthritis - either from the antibiotics, the stress or both.  He increased my muscle relaxant which makes me sleepy.  I know, I am never satisfied.

I am having a walk-in tub installed next week.  Heat really helps the pain.  It is not good for my lymphodema but the pain is what is limiting my life right now so that is my first priority.  My endurance is actually much better.  I just have to stop because I hurt.

Since I am not having a breast reconstruction I went back to Annabelle's and bought some more prosthetic bras and exchanged the prosthesis I have for a smaller one.  This is just a loaner and I will get a permanent one once we clean up the mastectomy site in June.  The prosthesis I had did not take into the account the lumpy condition of my mastectomy site.  It was definitely too big when put on top of the tissue which is there.  I am much more symmetrical now.