Rough day

This has not been a very good day. My fever has been high all day, I am exhausted, and I have diahrrhea. Just dragging myself back and forth to the bathroom wears me out. Becky came by to check on me but there isn't really anything she can do. Leo and Suzie Q are keeping me company. I am hoping for a better day tomorrow.

Doing OK

So far, so good this time around.  I have a very limited headache, nausea is under control.  My fever is starting to climb a bit but is still under 99.  I keep waiting for the chemo to kick my butt but am willing to take every good moment.  I feel like I am trembling inside but don't really know how to describe the feeling and there isn't anything to do about it.  My sister Trish is coming down today.  I have given up on hiding my bald head when I am home - at least from family.  Of course it would look better if I had been a little neater when I cut my hair off.  Becky is going to bring over some clippers to shave my head properly so all of the remaining stubble is at least even.

My granddaughter Jerrika came over with Becky yesterday.  We had a nice visit while Becky took care of getting my water filter serviced.  Thank goodness for a mechanically inclined daughter.  I really didn't feel like paying attention to the system and crawling under the sink to replace filters.

I am trying to finish up the Antioch course.  They use a different course development system than we use at Sinclair so I am having to learn how to navigate it.  Fortunately my brain isn't too fuzzy.  Shanese and I may actually have everything done before the students have access to the site. I can only hope.

Two Chemos down

I felt really good yesterday. I even went to the grocery store like a grown up. I wore my favorite hat and learned two things about hats. They are HOT. I didn't think that would be an issue with my bald head. And if I am talking on the phone while I am grocery shopping and I reach for something on the shelf the hat slips forward and covers my eyes. That leaves me in a predicament. Both hands are full and I can't push the hat up. Thank goodness my aim for the cart was accurate.

My second chemo was this morning. They assigned me to the wrong nurse. When I got into the infusion room I saw Christine behind the desk. We both said at the same time "I'm hers." "She's mine." It is comforting to have the same person. I saw a fellow occupational therapist, Joyce Peet, while I was there. She was keeping a friend company. We had a nice little visit. So far I feel OK - little headachy and tired. I am trying to crochet a skull cap to wear around the house. It is lighter and has holes for heat escape so it should be cooler.

Farewell to Hairs

The day started off so beautifully.  Brushed my hair, took a shower, washed and dried my hair. Everything was intact. The next hour when I combed my hair before I went to a doctor's appointment my comb was full of hair.  Wow, I couldn't believe it started so quickly.

I spent much of the afternoon tugging on my hair to see how much would come out.  The answer was a lot.  I wore a hat to yet another doctor's appointment in the afternoon.  When I got back I cut off the rest of my hair.  So I guess it is hat and scarf time for sure. .

A Rainy Day

I went to lunch with my friend Marsha today. Lunch was nice, the weather was terrible. I hate a windy cold rain. It feels like it gets right down to my bones. I spent most of the rest of the day working on the Patient Rights course although it doesn't look like I accomplished much. Felt pretty good most of the day.

I did take a look at a new beaded necklace pattern. I feel guilty using my energy for play so at this point I am just looking.

Day 11 of hair watch - still no hair loss. Yeah, one more day with hair. I ordered a pair of Betty Boop earrings. My husband, David, was always fond of Betty Boop so it seemed the thing to do. Maybe they can be the David Ashworth Memorial Betty Boop Earrings or the DAMBBE. Maybe not.

Hair Watch day 10

My hair is supposed to start falling out between 7 and 10 days after the first chemo. So far everything seems normal in the hair department. It is nice that this is one of the ways that I don't fit the pattern. Every day with all of my hair is a blessing. I think I am so obsessed with the whole bald thing because it is like a flashing neon sign that says "I'm having chemotherapy." Of course that brands you with the big red C for cancer. People look at you differently.

Some of my second year students are coming to visit today. I love being able to stay connected to them and hear all of the classroom stories. I spent extra time figuring out what to wear because a couple of the students are guys. I am much more self conscious about the body distortion around men. I can't get the prosthetic bra fitted yet because I still have so much fluid buildup in the mastectomy site.

Yesterday was my daughter Becky's birthday. I can't believe I didn't remember that when she called to check on me. It is so easy to get self-absorbed in my own drama.

Just another Saturday

I was hoping to go the Healthcare Consumer Advocacy advisory committee this morning.  I woke up really nauseated for some reason and didn't go.  Nan came over after the meeting to give me the report.  I was delighted to find out that I am really going to co-teach the Patient Rights course with Shanese.  The meet and greet with all of the faculty and the students is even scheduled the day before one of my chemo treatments so I should be OK to go to it.  Now I have to learn to navigate their course management system.

It was nice to visit with Nan.  We caught up on Sinclair gossip and planned Jane's retirement party.  We have a couple little details to work out but it is looking pretty good. 

Beautiful Day

It was so nice out today. I had a doctor's appointment so I was out running around. I even stopped at LaRosa's and had some pizza. I don't suppose that is what the doctors had in mind when they ordered phenegren for nausea. It was so good to eat something that had some flavor. I was beginning to relate to a person in one of our case studies who would only eat white food. White food is usually bland, usually soft and frequently cold. I've been eating a lot of "white" food lately.

It was also good to feel better today. No nausea, better energy, no headache. Some fever but less than it has been. The blisters on my tongue from Bactrim have even cleared up. How wonderful.

I have been working on a patient rights course for Antioch Midwest. Shanese Higgins is going to teach it for me the first time around. I get to stay involved in the planning of the course. We found a book from the ACLU. I have learned a lot just reviewing it. That is what I love about teaching I am always learning something new.

Cranky Kay

I am really cranky today.  Poor Becky.  This is her day to clean house, go shopping and generally hang around.  I will make an effort not to take her head off.

Another antibiotic has bit the dust.  This time Bactrim gave me a severe sore throat.  I am also have some small blisters on my tongue which could be the Bactrim or could be chemo.  Why isn't anything just straight forward?  I am eating a lot of popsicles.

I started a good book called "Major Pettigrew's Last Stand" by Helen Simonson.  The characters are British and Pakistani.  It is well written and amusing.  It is also a great reflection of aging in various cultures.  But I don't let that interfere with my enjoyment of the book.

My wonderful second year students have been so supportive.  Many of them have stopped by to visit.  Their latest plan is to have a cooking day and bring me some meals.  I am so sorry to have missed their last academic quarter.

Evening report

Darn, the fever is back up to 99.9. So I am back in bed again forcing fluids and watching Avatar for the 550th time. That is only a slight exaggeration. But tonight is Wednesday and reruns of Ghost Hunters are on. They are always good for mindless entertainment.

Better day

Thank goodness I am feeling better today.  All of the symptoms seem to be under control.  I am going to try some work on the computer.  I have been sitting up for about 2 hours and so far, so good.  Just a little fuzzy headed so obviously I won't be doing anything that takes a great deal of thinking.  I'll save that for next week. :)

I am wondering when the hair loss will start.  They said it would start in 7 to 10 days.  So it must start really suddenly because everything is normal so far - three times as much hair as any one needs.  I will be sorry to see it start to go, though.

Roller coaster ride

This has really been a day. I had to see Dr. Termuhlen to drain fluid from the right breast. I was running a fever of 100 and had not felt well all weekend. I wasn't prepared for the decreased endurance. I was wiped by the time I got in to the office. Then, of course, I was weepy. Man, how I hate that. Thank goodness for Dr. Termuhlen. She is so practical and just gets things done. By the time I left the office she had consulted with Dr. Romer's office, ordered an antibiotic, and given me some Tylenol. Then I had to go get a blood test which turned out normal. I was totally exhausted by the time I got home.

The good news is the nausea is gone. What a relief. The fever has stayed down most of the day. I had visitors this afternoon. Maybe things taken a turn for the better. I can only hope.

The beat goes on

This has been another uncomfortable day. The headache and nausea persist and the fever slowly continues to climb. I learned the value of paying attention to the names of caregivers. I called the oncologist's office around 9 this morning. Since I didn't remember the name of the medical assistant I ended up talking to a nurse. She took down my list of symptoms and said she would leave a message for Rhonda, Dr. Romer's assistant.

I had not heard anything back by 1:30 so I called again. This time I asked for Rhonda. Rhonda never got the message. I am still in a wait and see mode. I had to stop Tylenol (or anything else for pain) to see how high the fever climbs. I switched from zofran to phenergen for nausea. Then I am supposed to push fluids for the headache. I am really thrilled about that one. I already feel like I slosh when I walk.

A friend brought some macaroni salad and roasted chicken yesterday. That and some cold grapes is all that sounds edible to me today. Becky is ready to supply me with my daily dose of chocolate. Chocolate is definitely not on my currently edible list. Boy, is that a change.

Weepy Day

I am running a fever and have low energy. That combination always seems to be followed by tears. I hate crying but have learned it is just one of the parts of this whole deal - no specific focus, just tears. The headache is not being very cooperative. Vidicon helps but then I go to sleep so I hold off on that until I can't stand it. I don't think it warrants a call to the medical society unless the fever goes up significantly. I will definitely call the office tomorrow and see if they have any further suggestions.

Little bit day

Today I am a little bit nauseated, a little bit headachey, a little bit fuzzy headed when I get up. They all add up to not feeling very well. The weird thing is I am hungry until I eat and then I am all of the litle bits again. I am definitely a lot bored. I am reading a good book but even that gets boring when I do too much of it. Sounds like I am a little bit whiny too.

First treatment part 2

I went in for a shot of Neulasta today. The good news is that it stimulates white blood cell growth so the cell count stays close to normal and treatment doesn't get delayed. The bad news is that it causes bone pain as it is stimulating growth. I am just thrilled about another symptom to manage.

While I was there I mentioned the headache. They agreed it was probably caused by the cytoxan going in faster than I can tolerate. I won't sleep through that part of the treatment again. They recommended Claritin. Who knew. It really worked. What a relief to be able to sit up in the chair for a while without getting a sick headache.

I wrote most of this blog earlier in the day and accidentally deleted it. I was brilliantly funny but I guess I can only be brilliant once a day. Oh well, it's the world's loss.

Musings at 6 in morning

So why am I, a relatively private person, choosing to journal using a blog? When I received my diagnosis of breast cancer I immediately became a part of a community I certainly never expected to be a part of and definitely did not want to be. Like it or not breast cancer is not a private experience.

My reclusive lifestyle has been shattered. It feels like I have had more people in and out of my condo since the middle of December than I have had in the 5 years I have lived here. I do not particularly like to talk on the phone but I have been on the phone for hours talking to supportive friends and family. Every one a welcome visit and a welcome call. Go figure. And this does not include the extensive text and e-mail contacts. The support this represents is overwhelming to me who have considered myself mostly a loner.

Emotionally I am very matter of fact about all of this. I am in a "chop wood, carry water" mode - doing what needs to be done. On the other hand I seem to have few emotional reserves. Roadblocks are difficult to handle. I have definitely had my fall apart moments - self-pity, intense fear of chemo, and the whole bald thing. I do get bored easily with the self-pity after about 15 minutes.

First Chemo

The worst part of the chemo so far was accessing the port. Of course it was just put in yesterday afternoon and was sore. On line the needle they use on the port looks like it is about 1/4 inch long. It was almost an inch long and really looked like a spike. Dr. Romer prescribed a cream that will numb the area for next time.

I started out with saline, and three anti-nausea drugs. Then I was given adriamycin. I didn't understand how the adriamycin was to be given. The nurse had these two really big syringes of the drug. (They looked like turkey basters when I saw them but I know they really weren't THAT big.) She literally sat there and pushed the drug into the port. That must be why they call it a push. Then they gave the cytoxin by IV. The whole process took about 2 and 1/2 hours. I read a book on my IPad, nibbled on peanut butter crackers and took a nap. I had a little bit of a headache and felt unsteady on my feet when I left. I have had some trouble with nausea since I got home but not bad. I'm not fond of the headache which persists. That might be something we can control by taking the cytoxin more slowly next time.

On a positive note I got my last two hats today. The newsboy hat is really cute and looks good. I got a bucket hat that is very casual. I ordered what was supposed to be a cloch from another company. It is flat on top and definitely looks like a chemo hat. It has a felt flower on it. I am adding beads. I'm also looking for some new funky or outrageous earrings to go with the coming bald head and the hats.

My daughter Becky is absolutely awesome. She takes good care of me and goes away when I want her to. :)

The Big Day

Today is when I start my chemotherapy for breast cancer. It is almost 3 am and I can't sleep. I finally got my port put in today so they don't have to find a vein each time. That was its own separate ordeal.

The initial try was last Friday. After 14 attempts in my chest and one in my neck, they gave up. I am totally black and yellow from the bruising. I went back to the hospital today to nuclear medicine and had a venogram and then the port was put in using an angiogram so they could see what they were doing. The good news is that I am normal and there is no anatomical block. But there is also no explanation for why they had so much trouble. I was told that sometimes it just doesn't work. So much for scientific explanations.

I am really upset and nervous about chemo. I don't know what kind of reaction to expect. Medical "wisdom" says wait and see. As an answer to my anxiety that doesn't do much for me.

After cruising the net for information I have planned my "chemo bag". I'll take my IPad so I can read or play games and listen to music; cell phone; light snacks, and a water bottle so I can sip ice water. They have blankets and pillows there.