Keeping It Interesting

We never did go with the full wrap on the arm. Emotionally I just couldn't deal with it. The wrap I did have got so much attention. People kept asking what I did to my arm. It was distressing to go through the whole cancer, lymphedema thing. I was measured for a sleeve and glove to wear during the day and another heavier sleeve for night.

My latest addition to the mix is cellulitis in both breasts, mostly the right. It is red and hot. I started another round of antibiotics on Tuesday but they don't seem to be making a difference. I called Dr. Hicks this morning to let him know. He's out of the office this morning so I won't hear anything until this afternoon. In the meantime I just feel sick. I can't eat anything without triggering diarhhea. Is it the antibiotic, Chron's or the cellulitis? I just want it to go away.

I saw my oncologist yesterdsy for my three month checkup. From his standpoint I am doing well and the hard part is behind me. I wish it felt that way. I feel overwhelmed by the continuing problems when I thought I would be well on my way to feeling well by now. My coping mechanisms are wearing thin.

All Wrapped Up

We haven't been making much progress on the swelling in my hand and arm.  It is not getting any worse but it is not getting any better either.  Wrapping is a frequently used method of controlling the swelling.  Since I don't have anyone to help me with the wrapping we have been trying a variety of other techniques.  The wraps are intended to put steady pressure on the hand and arm and move the fluid up the arm.  They are multilayered, bulky and ugly.

Today I joined the millions of women who are post mastectomy and use wrapping to help control swelling in their fight with lymphedema.  It is one more assault on body image and self esteem.  It is one more reminder that cancer changes your life and body forever in ways you can't imagine when you start the journey.  The good news is the hand and arm ache less when wrapped.  The bad news is I have no idea how I am going to rewrap the arm by myself.  We are going to do a lot of practicing on that on Friday.

Breast Expander Blues

I thought I was used to pain after all of these years with fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis.  The pain associated with the breast expander is a whole other thing.  I know we are going faster than usual trying to get the seroma under control.  But there is this constant pressure and ache, especially at the edge of the armpit.  Dr. Hicks decided to wait until Friday to add more fluid in the expander.  The amount he took off the seroma was less so some progress is being made.  I am seeing him twice a week.

I have another lymphedema treatment this afternoon.  Most of the swelling is in the hand and forearm.  They both ache when I try to do anything, like drive or type or work on my beading.  I am also seeing her twice a week.  I don't know how I have time to work!

So mostly I am uncomfortable and irritable. I am used to having at least periodic relief from pain - either through medication or positioning.  This constant stuff is getting to me.

On the positive side, I think, I am doing some laundry today.  This is the first time in about 8 months.  Not that laundry was ever one of my favorite things.

I Can Walk!

Dr. Malusky lifted all restrictions from my foot.  One small thing changes my life so much.  I can

• take a shower without having to wrap up my foot
• take a bath
• shop for my own groceries
• wear regular shoes
• be true to my hillbilly roots and go barefoot in the house
• walk into campus instead of waiting on someone to bring the scooter

So that is one more step (literally) toward normal.  Course I can't just leave it at that, I have to add the lymphedema.  I am starting treatments this evening.  My hand looks much better after a night with an elastic glove.  It does ache some, though.

Pain is definitely still very much an issue.  I am not sure I can handle additional fluid in the breast expander next week.  Every movement is uncomfortable to painful.

Bad Day

Man, oh Molly I am in so much pain.  Dr. Hicks drained 450 cc of fluid from the seroma and added 60 more cc of fluid into the breast expander.  Then he wanted me to put the extra pads on the lateral portion of the chest to add pressure and potentially reduce fluid production because he thinks that is where the fluid starts.  The problem is that is the most tender part of my breast and the pads add to the pressure of the added fluid in the expander.  So my chest aches and I feel like if I can just squirm enough maybe I can get into a position where I don't want to cry.  Then with the rainy cooler weather all of my joints hurt.  Do I stay still or do I keep moving?   Either way I hurt and can't find a comfortable position.  I go back in on Tuesday for more fluid.  At that point we will decide if I can tolerate it or if we need to slow down.

I saw the OT for a lymphedema evaluation today. There is more extra fluid in my hand than anywhere else.  She said that is actually a good sign.  She took measurements and gave me a pressure glove to wear on my right hand at night.  I go back in on Sunday to start treatment.  When I was doing hand therapy thirty years ago they didn't even use the term lymphedema and it was treated entirely differently.  From what I know now I shudder to think of the damage we probably were causing to the lymph system.  It was good to be able to ask her questions on how to protect the limb and concerns I have had about using the arm and hand.

I experimented going without my hat in public today since I only had medical appointments.  It didn't make me as uncomfortable as I thought it would but I am not ready to try it at work.  I have an appointment with my hairdresser for next Friday.  When I called her I told her I wasn't sure if she would be able to even the hair I have out.  We decided to do the appointment and let her see what is going on.  I also trust her to be honest about how she thinks I look.

Starting School

Today was the first day of classes. Thank goodness for Colleen's scooter. Even walking around the lab must have been more than I have been doing because the foot started hurting. For the afternoon class I pretty much stayed with the scooter. What was a hoot was watching me try to get the scooter out of my office. I won't do that again.

I did get rid of my second breast drain on Tuesday. Now we are running a race to increase the size of the expander fast enough that fluid doesn't collect. So far the fluid is winning and at my appointment tomorrow Dr. Hicks will have to drain some fluid from the seroma and put fluid into the expander. One of the things we are trying is keeping pressure on the area so I am padding my bra. If someone had told me that someday I would be padding my bra I absolutely would not have believed it. I am so glad it is cold enough for layers. They are good for hiding all the lumps and bumps and uneven boobs.

My hair now hides my scalp and is pretty thick. Some students think I should ditch the hats and go with the short look. I don't know if I am quite ready for that. I am going to call my hairdresser and get it evened up and see what she says. It is so fine in some areas and almost furry in others. I have been told to expect changes in color and texture as the hair grows back in after chemo. No one has said anything about it being different in different parts of the head. It would be nice to not be weird for some part of this whole experience.

Only One More Surgery to Go!

The only surgery that I have left is the actual breast insert which will probably be in December. The metal was taken off my foot Wednesday. I was more anxious than usual before the surgery. Of course this one was at 3 in the afternoon and I was starving and thirsty.

That external fixater had sharp posts. I ruined two sets of sheets poking holes in them and scratched my right foot and ankle all up. The foot is all padded up with a big ace bandage on. I can do weight bearing on a limited basis with the surgical shoe on until I see him next Saturday. So for all practical purposes I can stand up on both feet and get in the wheelchair around the house and pretty much sit here with my feet up for yet another week.

I told him I was going back to work next week no matter what. He didn't seem to know what to say. Then I told him about the scooter at work and he seemed OK with it. Fortunately there is very little pain, mostly a deep ache if the foot been down too long.

I go back in to see Dr. Hicks this morning. It is a little early to add more fluid in the expander - barely 3 weeks instead of 4. However I still am producing more fluid than normal and we don't want another seroma. If the expander is bigger there is less room the body thinks it has to fill with fluid. He is also going to take one of the drains out. That way I will be a little less lumpy to start classes. He said I could start experimenting with a prosthetic bra to make my shape looks more normal.