A Different Kind of Recovery

It is wonderful to feel like a normal person who had foot surgery. I don't have any trouble doing things I want to do except for the inconvenience of the wheel chair. I assume I will start back on some estrogen blocker next week. I hope it doesn't knock me for a loop again.

I was up pretty much all day. I had my foot up except for when I was cooking or eating so I didn't expect it to swell. I can't see any swelling but the foot is all wrapped up in gauze and ace bandage and it feels uncomfortably tight. Right now I am lying down and have had my foot propped higher than my head for about 20 minutes. It is still very tight around the arch and the ankle. I guess that is my body saying I did too much today. I so want to rewrap everything but the hardware intimidates me. I have six metal projections sticking through the ace bandage.

My beading project looked like it could be finished except it didn't hang right and I had to take it apart. I'll take pictures of the disassembled project and my inspiration and put them on my creativity blog tomorrow. Company would be nice if any of you have a chance. Lori is visiting on Thursday. I am told I currently talk about 90 miles an hour. Must be all of this time alone.

Surgery Report

The foot surgery went well and was actually not as extensive as Dr. Malusky thought it would be.

I was pleased at my level of strength and endurance as I walked into the hospital and up to Riverview. Two weeks ago I was exhausted by the time I got there. Friday my knees hurt the whole way (a week without anti- inflammatories) but I wasn't tired. As I got ready for the surgery I had quite a team. Two anaesthesiologists (only one stayed for the surgery), the company representative for the external fixator, and the surgeon, besides the surgical nurses. I got to see the equipment before they put it on, although they weren't sure exactly how much they were going to use. I also ended up with a bone stimulator and they had a possible bone graft. I certainly had informed consent by the time they were done.

Once they released the big toe and got it into position the metatasal moved into the correct position. They decided they didn't have to do an osteotomy so no bone graft needed. That means faster recovery time. Yeah!!! Of course this was the report to Becky and Trish while I was in the recovery room. I'll have more questions when I go into the office in two weeks.

So I came home today. Trish brought me home and Nan met us at the condo. Trish had to get back to Columbus so Nan stayed the aftenoon with me. Then we changed guard with Becky for supper. It was good to have Nan to check me out and make sure I was safe. Now I am on my own but everything is organized. I feel fine. Energy level is good. Pain is under control. Anti-inflammatories have been reinstated. Life is good.

Doing Better

I did see Dr. Malusky yesterday. He wanted to see what was going on with the big toe. It shouldn't be a problem even though it looks horrible. He is looking forward to the surgery because it is a challenging case. I told him I was always happy to provide entertainment for someone else. I am not sure how much metal to expect with the external fixator. He has been consulting with the representative who puts the device together. I can picture them chuckling with glee over the design and what else they can do with it. After yesterday's conversation they have decided to extend the fixator to include the toe. I hope they don't think of anything else they can do before Friday!

Except for joint pain, I am off the anti-inflammatories until after the surgery, I am feeling much better. I was up all day today doing dishes, some very light cleaning and working on a beading project. That doesn't sound like much but it is so much more than I have been able to do. I wonder if the arimidex was affecting me more than I thought it was. The swelling of my feet and ankles started to go down immediately after I stopped taking it. I lost 5 pounds in fluid in two days.

My sister Trish is coming down tomorrow to stay all night and do "normal" stuff before I get stuck in the house again. She'll stay with me in the hospital. My brother Ken is bringing some of his grandkids down to see the Air Force Museum tomorrow and then we're going to get together. So it's going to be a nice family day.

Hair Issues

I am anxiously keeping track of my hair growth on a daily basis. It is definitely a slow process. Some days I think I am kidding myself because I still look like a plucked chicken with a little bit of a shadow on my head. Then I will look in the mirror and if the light is just right I can see that my hair is about 1/2 inch long. I have always had such thick hair and it seems to have a lot of thin spots. There is also much more gray than there was before. That is one of reasons it is so hard to see. The gray hair doesn't show up as much as the darker hair does.

I am definitely more self conscious about being out in public than I was. Even with the hats it is obvious that I don't have hair. Marta and I went out to eat at Thai Nine on Wednesday. This one man just kept staring at me. It would be nice to think it was because I am gorgeous but I think baldness probably had more to do with it. When I am home I don't wear hats so family and friends see my hair challenged head but I don't let strangers see it. I am pretty sure that there is going to be a good period of time without a hat in the hospital. I am trying to steel myself for the embarrassment.

Getting Ready

Now that the foot surgery is less than a week a way I am starting to be concerned about how I will cope. I definitely am not as far along in my recovery from the chemo as I thought I would be at this point or as strong. So I put my OT brain to work to see how I needed to arrange things.

I will be non-weightbearing the first two weeks. I will use a wheelchair to get around the house just for safety reasons. I decided to stay in the guest bedroom because the bed is lower and the bathroom is closer. I did a trial run with the wheelchair this morning. Then I moved a chair which was next to the bed to make space for the wheelchair and a bedside stand. Big mistake. Wow, that used up all my energy for the day. I probably should have waited for Becky.

Now that the room is more functional for me for the two weeks it is also less decorative. Martha Stewart would not be proud. I will have to do something to make it look less thrown together. But not today.

Poor Me

No, really, that is my theme for the day, poor me. You would think that with the chemo behind me things would be a piece of cake now. I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed with two surgeries scheduled, continuing side effects of the chemo and drug reactions.

My breast reconstruction has been officially scheduled for August 15. Dr. Hicks will also remove the port. I am so glad about that because it is sometimes very uncomfortable. The site of the mastectomy is still filled with fluid. It is called a seroma. It will be drained before the surgery and a drain put in for a week or so. Here's hoping the combination of the completion of the chemo, the revision of the mastectomy site and the spacer will take care of the seroma.

In the meantime I have had reactions to the arimidex (estrogen blocker) and tetracycline. My feet and ankles have been swelling and not going back down at night or if I put them up, a side effect of the arimidex. I developed a rash after I started taking the tetracycline. And I have been dizzy since Tuesday, a side effect of both of them. I never used to have drug reactions. Now it seems to be my norm. I definitely don't like it. Anyhow, the arimidex is on hold for two weeks to see what happens. A new antibiotic has been ordered. We'll see how that goes.

In my litany of complaints, Dr. Malusky wants to take a look at my toe on Tuesday to see if it needs drained. I am not sure the toenail will still be on next Tuesday. It not a good thing to have decreased feeling in my feet but things would certainly be a lot more painful if my sensation was normal.

Chemo - the Gift That Keeps on Giving

I mentioned before that taxotere causes nail changes. It's worse than I thought. So far on my fingernails I have some dark coloration, some vertical white lines and some ridges. This is supposed to all grow out eventually. I am hoping that is as far as it goes. I have lost three toenails where the nail just detached from the nailbed. I also have three toenails with bleeding under the nail - also a side effect of taxotere that I didn't pay any attention to until it happened. The one that concerns me is the toe that is supposed to be operated on next week. Dr. Malusky is on vacation so I will call bsck next Monday to see if he is concerned or wants to look at it before surgery.

Just when I think I have figured out how to manage this whole cancer thing something else comes up. I have always been a pretty flexible person but this is getting ridiculous.

We interviewed for Jane's position yesterday. We had four candidates plus preparation time so it was a long day. The interviews went well and I had a great committee. It did wipe me out, though. I had to stop and rest in the theater lobby on my way out to the car. I keep waiting for the day when stuff won't tire me out so much. It will also help when I allowed to walk more. Dr. Malusky is not thrilled with the relatively small amount of walking I am doing. I could do with a less complicated life.

Making Progress

I have been looking for things to do within my energy range. I can do my dishes now and cook simple meals. With everything I do I still have to take rest breaks. The breaks aren't as long or as frequent as they used to be.

I decided to start cleaning my studio. It and my office are the two places that things have just been dumped in. The studio is to the point that I can't find anything and it takes too much energy to look. It doesn't help that I have tubes of beads all through the condo. I also have new books that I don't have room for. I get slowed down by having to shift things to new places. I rarely use yarn any more and I want to get it out of my studio but I don't want it to go in the garage. I have to clean out closet space to put the yarn. It makes me tired just thinking about it. So I did micro-cleaning. Yes, I know that isn't really a word. I organized my supply/equipment boxes. I'm sure that it doesn't look like I accomplished anything to anyone else because the boxes are sitting right on the shelves where they have always been. The difference is now I know what is in them and I have a box left over.

Tomorrow I think I will hang my new earring rack. I have so many cool earrings now that I need a place to put them. That should take all of 15 minutes. Then I have to round up all of my earrings from whereever I left them when I took them off. That pretty much means in every room of the condo.


One of the side effects of taxotere that doesn't go away for a while is changes in the nails. My fingernails are dark and have ridges and white vertical lines in them. Some of my toenails have actually come off. Even if I wore nail polish some of the chemo sites don't recommend it until the nails recover. I just keep finding new ways to be weird.

This and That

Each day is a little bit better. My hair on my head has started to grow back at the same time some of it is still falling out. Weird. I can't tell color or texture. It does look like a lot more gray than I remember having. At this rate it is going to be December before I have enough hair to give up hats. And then, as one of my students pointed out, I'll have hat hair.

I went to Riverview Health Institute today for my preadmission paperwork and testing for my foot surgery. For those in the Dayton area it is in the old St. Elizabeth Hospital. My biggest concern was all the walking. Thank goodness they have valet parking. If I had to add walking from the parking lot I don't think I would have made it. I have been there before for some testing and my last foot surgery. It is a beautiful facility and everyone has always been really nice.

They asked me who would be bringing me to the hospital and I couldn't tell them. Becky is hoping to have a new job in Kentucky by then. She has been interviewing at Toyota.

I did start my creativity blog. It is acreativeessence.blogspot.com if any of you want to take a look at it.

Waiting Mode

I went to campus today after my rheumatologist appointment. The only way to describe my gait is that I trudged in slowly. I have never been so glad to see my office in my life because I could sit down. I had an appointment with a student and helped Melissa with admissions. There really wasn't much else to do. All of the projects I am working on are on my computer at home. I visited a while with Colleen from PTA. She offered me her scooter to use this fall since I am not going to have much chance to develop endurance with the two surgeries scheduled. I am going to take her up on it, particularly if I still have the external fixator on my foot. It is a big campus. I had planned to stop somewhere for lunch but as I trudged even more slowly out to my car I decided leftover tuna casserole would just have to do.

Right now I feel like I am mostly in a waitng mode. Waiting to get stronger, to have more endurance, for my foot surgery, to be less bored, to have something more meaningful to do. I am trying to do a little more each day to build up my strength and endurance before I have the foot surgery. I feel well enough that I am going to start using my arm bike to strengthen my arms. While I'm non-weightbearing for those two weeks maybe I can use a walker without killing myself. My balance is so poor that I am not sure what makes me more dangerous poor balance or lack of strength.

Surviving

I have been trying for a couple of days to write something about surviving breast cancer in the sense of getting through every day.  It is surprisingly easy to sound smug.   So I have rewritten the whole thing once again.

At the risk of missing someone, for which I apologize, I will say that support of family, friends, students and co-workers has been key.  My daughter, Becky, has cleaned my house, done my laundry and grocery shopping on a weekly basis.  She has insisted on driving me to chemotherapy treatments for all of these months.  My sisters, Trish and Beth, were here for my mastectomy and Beth stayed the week after surgery with me.  They have called and visited on a regular basis.  My students have made me meals, bought me funky earrings to wear with my hats, visited me, e-mailed, texted and made me laugh.  At their pinning ceremony they even all wore hats for me.  Nan, a friend and co-worker, has taken on the duties of acting chairperson, covered classes for me and driven me to work so I would have the energy to teach a class.  Shanese came to the rescue with my Patient Rights course and actually took most of the responsibility while giving me the credit.  She has also given me papers to edit and asked for advice while she works on her doctorate.  This has helped me immensely with my frustration with my chemo brain - I do really have a brain sometimes.  I love her chatty telephone calls.  My friends, Deni, Lea, Randy and Marsha,  have brought me meals, friendly gossip, new projects to look at and taken me to movies.

It has helped that I am an occupational therapist.  I know all of those energy conservation techniques that we teach our patients.  I plan my days around what I have to accomplish for the day - like go to yet another doctor's appointment.  I don't really have to eat breakfast, take a shower and get dressed without resting in between.  Actually, I haven't been able to but I don't beat myself up when I need to take a break.

Last, but certainly not least has been my Buddhist faith.  Meditation has given me a calm, quiet space from which to face the day.   I know that this will pass, as all things pass. 

And now I am on to a new phase of life after chemo which I am sure will present new challenges.

The Joys of a New Medication

I started the estrogen blocker on Thursday. The name of it is Arimidex (Anastrozole). According to Carol, nurse practitioner at Dr. Romer's office, the major side effect is bone pain. I was not too concerned since I have a pretty high pain tolerance from living with lupus and fibromyalgia for so many years. Boy, howdy, was I wrong. I rarely wake up in the morning in pain, stiff yes, pain no. It hurt really badly along my tibia and my hips. I took tylenol right away and wondered if I should have taken a vicodin instead. I prefer to go with the lighter medication first. I did take a hot bath after breakfast which helped. Hopefully some of the problem is because it is a stormy day. I always hurt more when the barometric pressure goes down.

Arimidex is the medication I have to take for five years. Other side effects include some of the other things I have been complaining about like fatique and weakness. Of course most of the medications I take include those side effects so I hope my body adjusts fairly rapidly. I tell you, treatment for cancer is not for sissies.

My friend, Deni, brought me supper last night. She has some cool new mobiles she is working on. I am still plugging away on the choker part of my necklace. My goal is to not take any more of it out. I love the colors and the texture - blues and browns and a mixture of matt and shiny beads and round and square shapes. I am thinking about stsrting a blog about creativity - specifically about how important it is to me and how it keeps my spirit together. Right now I am taking a look at other blogs.