Hanging in

Feeling a little better today. I am running a fever but have been up periodically through the day. I even worked for about an hour but that was all I could handle. Leo is faithful in keeping me company. Not much else going on. Not feeling well is definitely boring. And I do so hate being bored.

Bad day

If you don't want to hear me whine this is not a post you want to read. I am so miserable all I want to do is cry. Everything hurts. It is a major effort to drag myself to the bathroom or to the kitchen and I am exhausted when I get back to bed. I have slept for most of the day. I can't focus enough to read. Hopefully this is the worst of the chemo reactions. This has gotten really old.

The experiment to get the mastectomy site to scar didn't work and I definitely have a lot of fluid again. I have to call the office tomorrow and see what the plan is. Dr. Termuhlen is out of the office. She is also moving to the University of Wisconsin. This is a big loss for Dayton.

Fourth Chemo

I have officially made it halfway through my chemotherapy. I didn't feel very well going in but my temperature and blood pressure were OK. Christine decided I didn't eat enough before I came in and made me eat my peanut butter crackers. When I finished the treatment she sternly told me to eat more next time so I would feel better.

I officially added her to my list of the 15 mothers I currently have. Well, maybe it is only 10 but it feels like 15 sometimes. They come in all ages and sizes and include relatives, friends and students. Even though I know it comes from love and concern I don't deal with mothering very graciously sometimes. I feel like a five year old saying, "I know. Let me do it myself."

Back to the chemo. I never know what to expect in terms of response. I am usually tired after the chemo and lay down for a little bit and usually get up and go about my business. This time whenever I got up my face and head would just drip with sweat. I didn't have a temperature but it went away when I lay back down. So I pretty much was down for the afternoon and evening. Then I couldn't sleep. I looked it up and the decadron (corticosteroid) causes irritability and insomnia. One night isn't so bad but when I switch to taxotere I take it orally two days before and the day after treatment. I am definitely not having fun.

Halfway through

Tomorrow is the last of the first series of treatments.  Yeah, halfway through.  After that I have a three week break before I start the taxotere.  I also have to have another echocardiogram.  Having a medical problem is just not simple.

The doxycycline injection went OK on Monday.  First Dr. Termuhlen drained the breast and got a record amount of fluid.  She texted the residents with her results.  I just love being part of a medical rivalry. She wasn't taking any chances on what "stinging" meant.  She injected lidocaine first then the doxycycline.  Then she smooshed the tissue around to spread it around.  I am assured that is a sophisticated medical term.  So far it doesn't seem to be making much difference.  We may have to do it more than once.  Fun, fun, joy, joy.

I don't feel very well today and am running a fever again for some reason.  And my joints really hurt - could be the Neulasta, could be the damp weather, could be arthritis.  Who knows?  I just take more tylenol.

Leo Returns

I have pretty much stopped going to the door every hour to look for cats. About noon yesterday I propped open the laundry room door to the garage. As I walked away Leo exploded down the hall beside me at a full run. He seems fine except for a frequent sneeze. I am taking him to the vet for a check up. He is definitely hanging close. He even sat on my lap when I had visitors yesterday which is totally out of character for him.

I am going to have the injection into my mastectomy site today to see if we can promote scarring and reduce the fluid buildup. I am a little nervous about it. I keep turning up allergic to drugs I have been able to take in the past. I am going to ask Dr. Termuhlen if the way we are using the doxycycline increases the possibility of a reaction. I want her to be prepared in case I have one. I am only the 3rd patient in her career who has had this problem. I would prefer to have less unique complications.

Cats

Friends and family are determined they are going to find my wandering cats so Universe beware. Yesterday my granddaughters, grandson-in law and even Becky's boyfriend Mike scoured the neighborhood. Joelle is putting up posters. My friend Deni sent me some absolutely gorgeous flowers. Doesn't find cats but makes me feel better and I can plant the forsythia that is in the arrangement.

In the mean time someone ate the smelly cat food I put out for them. It was much too neat for Suzie and Leo though. They are messy eaters. Maybe I am supporting my local racoon. I look for them every time I go out, much to the frustration of drivers behind me I am sure.

Boring, boring, boring

I am bored with myself.  My life seems reduced to either a good day or a bad day.  There has to be something else going on.  Oh yeah, Leo followed Suzy in her spring wondering so now I have no cats.  He has been crazy trying to get out since Suzy has been gone.  Maybe he is looking for her.

Today was Jane's retirement party.  Her present is the beading project I have been working on.  Unfortunately I wasn't able to work on it enough to get it finished in time for the party.  I had to give her a present IOU. Bummer.  It was great to see all of the current students and graduates that came.

Dr. Termuhlen and I have decided to see if we can't promote some scarring in the mastectomy site so it will stop producing fluid.  So the plan is to inject the site with some medications to promote "irritation" in the site so it will scar.  It is supposed to "sting."  I hate it when doctors use words like that.  What exactly does that mean? . It means I take a vicodin before the procedure.  It sounds like a crazy thing to do but so is getting my breast drained every week.

Missing Suzy

Suzy still has not come back. I am not handling her loss very well. Of all the things that have happened to me this is the hardest to take. So if it bothers you that I start crying when I talk to you, don't ask me about Suzy.

Physically I am still a little rocky after that last chemo. I tire so easily. I had a doctor's appointment today and was really shaky by the time I got home. Dr. Termuhlen and I discussed options for the continuing fluid at the mastectomy site. No decisions yet, she is doing some investigating. When it is not chemo week it is no big deal for me to go have the site drained. But when it is chemo week like today it is really difficult physically.

Really tough day

I have felt crappy all day - nauseated and exhausted. The worst part is that my little cat, Suzy Q, is missing. She has been gone since Friday night. Becky has been all over the platt several times. No one has seen her. This is a really rough loss.

Third chemo

On Wednesday I didn't feel very well then we had the first face to face class at Antioch.  I didn't think I would be able to stay the whole 6 hours but I did.  It was a great class and I was so wired when I got home that I could not sleep.

So I started out the chemo exhausted.  They had a really hard accessing my port.  Everytime they tried to flush it, it felt funny and stung.  Christine took that really seriously and would try to readjust.  She finally got another nurse to try and after an additional 5 minutes of fiddling around with it they finally got it adjusted correctly.  It was definitely obvious when the port was working correctly.

When I left I was even more tired and queasy.  That hasn't changed a whole lot today. 

Busy day

My first appointment of the day yesterday was at Dr. Termuhlen's office.  She was gone so I met with one of her colleagues.  After the introductions she said, "oh, you're that patient."  Great, not only do the residents have a competition to see how much fluid they can drain, I am now "that patient."  I expect them to start yelling "Norm", oops, "Sharon" when I come into the office. There was less fluid today so the rice boob did have some effect.  Not as much as I had hoped but some.

Then on to Dr. Romer's office.  One of the advantages of the port is supposed to be that I don't have to get stuck for blood tests.  That never seems to work out because the nurses have such a hard time with my port.  I don't understand it because there is no problem when I have my chemo.  And there is still a stick, it is just in the port area.  Anyway, after getting stuck unsuccessfully at the port I still had to have blood drawn from my hand.  I guess from now on I will just let them draw from the hand in the first place.  The blood results were good.

The last stop of the day was Annabelle's for my prosthesis.  I did a quick look at wigs while I was there and was not impressed with anything.  They had some fabulous hats which looked horrible on me.  So I walked out with a bra and the prosthesis.  It is definitely softer than my rice boob.  And I don't have to keep pounding it into shape when it gets out of kilter during the day (sorry guys).

By the time I got home I was done for the day.  Not quite knackered (I love that word) but definitely not doing anything else for the rest of the day.  

Low Energy Day

I had a nice brunch with my friends Helen and Despina. It was nice to do ordinary things and go somewhere other than a doctor's office. Then I went to the grocery store. To use the term mentioned by my friend Deni, I was totally knackered by the time I got home. I wish my energies were a little more consistent.

I didn't feel like doing much for the rest of the day. Becky stopped by and I visited with her a little bit. I did some work on the computer and checked in on my Antioch course. That was about all I could manage. Bummer.

Tomorrow I have two doctor's appointments and get fitted for my prosthesis. O frabjous day!

Ordinary Day

Today was a nice day.  I had a visit from two of my students, Phil and Donnie,  It was good to see them.  Phil brought me some great earrings, easily two inches across and lots of silver and purple.  Just the kind of outrageous earrings I was looking for. 

It may not seem like it but I am making good progress on my beading project.  I only had to take out 1/2 of it but I have a good sense of what I am doing now.  Sometimes I have to see it to know if something is working. 

Most of our students in the Antioch course are new to any kind of course management system.  It is a whole new world of education.  Of course, Antioch uses a different one than Sinclair does so Shanese and I are right along with the students in trying to learn the system.  We have had a little more time looking at it and at least feel a little more comfortable with it than the students do.  Some of them are definitely panicking.

I am going out to brunch with some friends tomorrow.  Afterward I am going grocery shopping.  If anyone had told me last fall that I would be excited about grocery shopping I would definitely not have believed them.  There is something satisfying about making your own choices. 

Good Day

I am making good progress on my beading project.  Of course, the way I work that means only having to take part of it out again because I didn't like it.  Creativity is always a process for me.

I did go to Devon's party tonight for a couple of hours.  I always love the energy of his parties.  It was great to see all of the kids.  Several of our graduates were there.  It was like a reunion.  Talking to several of the moms about books I also got some new titles to look up.  I am running out of books to read.

My endurance is not as high as I would like but other than that I am feeling pretty good.  To my surprise this last chemo was not as bad as the first one. 

Too much energy

My friend Marianne did some energy work with me yesterday. I took a short nap in the afternoon and then was totally wired for the rest of the day and night. I may have slept 3 hours. Then I got up again. Still wired. I have completed half of the accreditation report for the OTA program, made good progress on the syllabus for one of the OTA courses for next quarter, checked on the Antioch class, and started a new beading project, talked on the phone several times. Whew, busy day. I did take one short nap in there somewhere. Now I am tired. I think I need some balance.

Tomorrow evening I am hoping to go to a birthday party tomorrow night for one on my Sinclair Fun Night friends. Devon always has a great party and I miss my "kids."

After about 3 hours I remembered why I was so glad to get rid of the surgical bra. It is uncomfortable and it rubs under the arms. Today I modified the fiberfill insert they gave me at the hospital. I filled it with rice to give it some weight. It works really well. Never thought I would have a rice boob.

I kept it low key today so I could go to Antioch this evening. They didn't have a social time which is what I would call a meet and greet. Jane Brown took me into the class and told them she wanted them to meet me. I introduced myself and told them a litle bit about our course and that was it - 5 minutes. The whole adventure lasted longer because I locked my keys in the car and had to call the police to get me in. I was not pleased with myself. I was exhausted when I got home.

Better day

I wrote this blog earlier today and managed to delete it before I posted. I started my day in Dr. Termuhlen's office getting the mastectomy site drained again. Her residents are in a competition to see who can drain the most fluid. Not exactly the kind of competition I am thrilled to be fostering. Dr. Termuhlen is less than convinced that putting pressure on the surgical site will decrease the fluid. For this week I am going to try wearing the compression bra from surgery with a little extra padding. Can't hurt, might help. Next Tuesday I have an appointment to be measured for my prosthesis after I have the fluid drained again.

We finished the prep for the Patient Rights course and have it ready to load. Tomorrow evening there is a meet and greet that I am hoping to go to. I have had to faithfully promise that I won't go if I am not feeling well. I have some overprotective family and friends. Or maybe they just know me too well.